Reblog from Zen Habits – Emotional Independence

Here’s an extract from Leo’s most recent blog post – read the full article HERE.

Becoming Emotionally Self-Reliant

We look for happiness from others, but this is an unreliable source of happiness. Other people will come and go, or they’ll be emotionally unavailable for their own personal reasons.

And here’s the thing: it’s not their job to fill our emotional needs. They are struggling trying to meet their own needs.

So instead of looking for happiness from someone else, we have to realize it’s not out there. It’s within us.

Happiness isn’t in the future, it’s not somewhere else. It’s available right inside us, right now, all the time.

How can we find this happiness? It takes some inner searching, but consider these suggestions:

  • Sit by yourself, without a device or distraction, for a few minutes. Look inside. Notice your thoughts as they come up. Get to know your mind. See how fascinating it is. This in itself is an endless source of entertainment and learning.
  • One of my sources of happiness is creating, coming up with ideas, producing something. I don’t need anyone to do those things, and they give me wonder at my own abilities.
  • I also love learning. It gives me happiness, helps me grow.
  • Curiosity is a boundless source of happiness for me.
  • Learn to fix your own problems. If you are bored, fix it. If you are lonely or hurt, comfort yourself. If you are jealous, don’t hope that someone will reassure you … reassure yourself.
  • Take responsibility. If you find yourself blaming others, tell yourself that the other person is never the problem. Of course, you can believe the other person is the problem, but then you are reliant on them for the solution. If you believe that they aren’t the problem, then you look inside yourself for the solution.
  • If you find yourself complaining, instead find a way to be grateful.
  • If you find yourself being needy, instead find a way to give.
  • If you find yourself wanting someone to help you, help yourself.

Create your own source of built-in happiness. Walk around as a whole, happy person, needing nothing.

Then come from this place of wholeness, of self-reliance and independence, and love others. Not because you want them to love you back, not because you want to be needed, but because loving them is an amazing thing to do.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s