New video now up on my YouTube channel 🙂
The contract has been signed for the next book, the manuscript has been submitted this morning, this video was made this afternoon from footage I’ve been shooting all month, and now I’m going to take a little rest! See you all in a couple of weeks 🙂
Here’s a behind-the-scenes look at the filming of my latest video! To see all such videos, and to have access to Patron-only posts, giveaways and more, please join me on my Patreon page 🙂
I have a lovely book which I’m re-reading, about empowering the wild woman within, manifesting her in all her glory. This book is filled with beautiful poetry and great exercises, written from the heart from a Woman Most Wild. And yet – and yet…
It’s one of many books about female empowerment that talks about working with the energy that originates in your womb space. While this book does state that you can do this even without a womb, it still annoys me, going against the grain of my very feminine soul. Like so many others talking about energetic womb space, many in the Pagan community with feminist goals are still being held back by a woman’s reproductive organs. At least, that’s just my opinion. I’m sure many will disagree.
Maiden, Mother, Crone. Right there, we have the Divine Feminine in a nutshell for so many Pagan paths, and yet it is one that is defined by a woman’s reproductive cycle. We are told that we can feel Her in our own womb spaces, whether we still have them or not. She is defined by her womb that birthed the universe. Is the Divine Masculine defined by his phallus? The Cerne Abbus Giant might say so, but his club is a lot bigger.
Even when I still had a womb, before the hysterectomy that gave me my life back after 30 years of living with fibroids and cysts, even then I never connected to the Divine Feminine through womb energy. I knew from a very early age that I would never birth any children physically. I never wanted to. My dolls were my friends, not children I wanted to raise. Even my Cabbage Patch dolls that I wanted so much (because everyone else had one), even then, after the first day I was tired of taking care of them as children, and they immediately “grew up” to become companions. I have never wanted children in my life. A day spent with someone who has young children reinforces this each and every time. I’m too sensitive, I like quiet and peace and being able to have the freedom to do whatever I wish or need to do at any given moment. My womb was never going to be used for what it was meant for.
Before anyone goes all “Lousie Hay” on me, I will stipulate that I firmly do not believe that my desire to not have children caused my condition. I am a staunch believer that genetics, diet, lifestyle and good/bad luck are the reasons for medical conditions. I think that if we begin to believe otherwise, we are instilling a process of blame and shame for medical conditions. Yes, the body and mind are one, and do affect the other to a certain degree, but I believe that this is taken way too far in many people’s opinions that have absolutely no basis in scientific fact. I am a very practical Pagan. I am happy to dance with the faeries in the moonlight and have a great interest in herbal medicine, but I also feel very strongly about getting all my vaccines and using the benefits that modern medicine can provide. Others may feel differently, and I respect their opinion, though I might not share them.
My womb is like my appendix. It’s a part of me, but if it isn’t working properly, it’s better to have it out. All my life I had painful periods, and was only diagnosed as the womb was being cut out of my body and the real extent of the damage from my condition became known. How much of my life was lived in pain I can only attest to now, because I am free from that pain. It’s like having a whole new life. Sure, I’ve got other problems – don’t we all – and I still ache with arthritis and manage my asthma as best I can. But I’ve got my life back. My womb space caused me nothing but pain since puberty. That’s not something I’m going to celebrate. Like an ancestor who caused you pain, you can acknowledge that they were a part of your life, but you don’t have to celebrate them.
Besides, I am more than my womb.
My womb does not make me a woman. It does not make me what or who I am today, nor did it ever define me in the past. I am more than my womb. I don’t and never have fit into the Maiden Mother Crone categories. I am me, a part of everything and beholden to no one thing.
Was I a “girly girl”? Yes, and no. Labels never really stuck very well on me. As a child I loved dresses and princesses and unicorns. I also loved knocking the ball out of the park when it was my turn at bat on the baseball ground. I played hockey with the boys at lunchtime at elementary school, and I figure skated by myself in the evenings at the outdoor rink. I adore belly dance and the wonderful costumes, but I wear jeans and shirts or leggings for the most part in the rest of my life. The Divine Feminine roared through my veins, but I also heeded the rallying cry of the Divine Male and everything in between. Baseball isn’t masculine, and unicorns aren’t feminine. These are just “tools” we use to put everything into neat little boxes, just like the terms Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine.
I have loved The Goddess all my life. It began when I was very young, and had a book about Greek myths. Artemis and Atalanta, these two ladies were my inspiration, my guiding force. Artemis, the eternal maiden, strong and free, what a role model. Running through the forests, standing under the moonlight, beholden to no one. That was The Goddess for me, and still is today, though in many other forms alongside this one. I have always loved independent female deity: Brighid, Freya, Morrigan, Andraste. Give me these ladies over an Earth Mother any day.
Some of these ladies are extremely sexual and sensual. Good for them, and good for me and all women! I’ve always embraced my sexuality and sensuality. Combined with the intimacy of a good, strong relationship there really isn’t anything better. But did I feel Their energy in my womb centre? Nope. Not once. Where did I feel Them? In my heart. Always, in my heart. That energetic centre swells just thinking about these ladies, just as it does when I think about whatever it means to be in the Divine Feminine category. Same for the Divine Masculine category. My power lies in my heart chakra, not my womb space. My love for this planet comes straight out of my chest, filling my soul with a brilliant light that guides me through the darkest of nights.
So each time I read a passage in a book, or attend a workshop that mentions moving into my womb space, I just have to grin and bear it, and shift the energy up higher, to where it belongs: in my heart. I am not my womb space, and no woman should be defined by that, whether they have them or not. Perhaps if we drop the labels we give to divinity, and forego Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine, then we will truly see that the energy really does emanate from the heart for both, or All, instead of from Their, and our, reproductive bits.
We are star-stuff, as is everything. You can’t define something like that with any more clarity. Or by their physiology. You just have to accept it, and love from that wonderful energy centre that we all have: our hearts.
New video now up! Complete with bluebells!
I’m just working now on a new video. Actually, I’m redoing an old video, on hedgewitchcraft and hedge riding. My previous video was shot using an old camera, and the voice editing and mixing was very, very basic. In the last three years since I made that video, I’ve learned so much in the editing side of making videos.
Filming is just one aspect. Getting the right shot takes time. You have to be aware of the weather (it’s been so windy here for over a month, that I haven’t been able to get the drone out). You have to get to your location. You have to hope the tech works as it should, and that all batteries needed are fully charged. You have to know how to use the tech – for me, that meant learning how to fly and operate the drone, getting my pilot’s license and figuring out how to take the data off the card and onto my laptop.
Then, this year, I learned how to use Adobe Elements video editor, which I’m still learning new things on every time I make a movie. It would be so nice to be able to take a course in this, to really get to know how everything works, but I’ve got other jobs that pay the bills and time is short.
Then there is the audio. Recording it on my Zoom recorder (a little handheld device, not the face-time thingy). Getting the raw data onto my laptop and then using Audacity to edit it. Mixing tracks, getting a clear sound – I’m still learning here as well. Then there is choosing the music. I use Epidemic Sound, a site where for a subscription you can download license-free music to use for social media. It has really good stuff on there that I just download for pleasure too! But when editing, I have to make sure that the music works with the visual image, and that the sound levels are in balance.
It’s all very technical, and the learning curve has been steep. But I feel I’m getting there. I’m not as good as some of my favourite YouTubers in the art of video creation, but I’m learning from them. I watch their videos with an eye not only to content, but to how they edit. I see what equipment they are using (which I’ll never be able to afford, at least not for five years or more when I can either get it second-hand or discounted) and how they are using the equipment. It’s taught me so much about how to make a video.
It’s a long, long way from my college days, where we learned how to make films using Super 8 and you had to physically cut and splice the ribbon together.
It’s wonderful that technology allows me to create in a different way. Writing will always be my first love, and my soul’s calling. But being able to express myself in video, in painting, in creating music and poetry, in dance and in singing – this is a true blessing. And one which I owe a deep debt of gratitude to my supporters.
To everyone who has bought one of my books, or my art prints, supported me on my blog and on Patreon. If it weren’t for Patreon, I wouldn’t be able to make videos, or to take time off from writing to express myself in other ways, such as painting. Patreon has been a lifeline to so many artistic types, and I am truly grateful to be able to connect with my supporters in this fashion. Writing, making videos, painting, photography – all these artistic pursuits no longer pay the bills in today’s society. Not unless you are really, really lucky. But with a platform that helps artists connect with their supporters, you can make a real difference in someone’s life. I support other artists on Patreon, knowing that what they do makes the world a better place. Even though it’s been a learning curve, it’s also been a light in the darkness 🙂
Thank you to everyone here at Down the Forest Path, for continuing on this journey with me. I hope to walk it with you for many years to come.
Some days, when the words just won’t come, you gotta do something different. Keep the creativity flowing. Dance, draw, play an instrument or… paint!
The Fairy Knoll by Joanna van der Hoeven
The next installment of the Druid Festival series is now available 🙂 I hope you like it!
I felt the need to create some music, and so I used this traditional Modern Pagan chant alongside some footage taken over the weekend on the heath 🙂
Check out more videos on my YouTube channel 🙂