So I had to think, retrace the steps back to where I left a part of my soul behind. Taking a shamanic inner journey to the various Otherworlds was an option, but instead I opted for actually physically going back to my roots. Sitting in the backyard of my ancestral home, after visiting all my power spots that I grew up with as a child, I delved down deep into my self to see what could be done.
The hedge encircled me, protecting me, sheltering me from the wind and the heat of the summer sun, the oak and birch trees also offering their shade and their welcoming presence. Centring myself, I rooted deep down into the sandy soil, pushing downward through the base of my spine as I had been taught, sending down my tap root. Breathing deeply into this taproot I anchored around granite rocks, and then sent out all the other supportive roots, stabilising myself. Breathing up the cool, earthy scent deep down I relaxed even further and began, holding my intention clear.
The first thing I realised was that this was going to happen over several days. There were different moments in time when a piece of my soul had split off, for various reasons. I decided to begin with the most recent, and work my way back.
Trudging through the slushy memories, I came face to face with myself, and simply asked, “Why?”
She looked back at me, and in her eyes I fell fowards, going back to that time and space. I heard her voice as the memories played back like a film before me. She softly replied to my question with three answers that struck me deep inside a part of myself; they rang true. I didn’t like some of them, but they were true.
The memories then came flooding back, and I began to fall deeper into them, diving down. A weight was in my mind, dragging me down, as well as physically – I could feel my head falling down onto my chest. I was getting dragged down into the memories, without realising it. I grabbed that part of my soul back and we both fell downwards, upwards, sideways. And then help came.
From the cedar hedge all around me, the chickadees called. These little souls, who I had grown up with, called me back. Their clear calls awakened me from the memories, and I came back to myself sitting in the backyard, surrounded by my little guides. I raised my head and smiled my thanks to them, and they quieted down, still waiting in the hedge in case they were needed.
I had my answer. I had a part of myself back too, that I thought was gone forever. A line from the fantasy book that I wrote years ago resounded through my head. Things must be bestowed from within as well as without, things that are integral to your soul singing free and clear. Honour, love, laughter, forgiveness and compassion…
I sat for several minutes, feeling the dappled sun on my shoulders, the cool breeze on my skin. I breathed in the sharp cedar scent, and relaxed, pulling my taproot back into my spine. A buzzing to my right caught my attention, and a foot away from where I sat a tiny green hummingbird was flying around the bee balm. I watched him for several minutes and gave my thanks for his beauty.
The next journey now lies ahead of me. I have an old friend with me for this one, as well as my guides, ancestors and My Lady. I look forward to it.
Thank you for sharing your journey. I am 56 and that girl I knew at 6 still visits me from time to time. In fact she never went away but was just busy growing up herself. At times we share the world we knew together half a century ago.
How wonderful! What an opportunity to learn from each other! x