Welcome Home – Soul Retrieval Part 3

IMG_1505 (800x600) (2)The final piece awaited, locked within myself and held in trust by an old friend.  I had found those fragments of my soul through a two week exploration, being in the beauty of my ancestral home and surrounded by family.  It had been a lot easier than I had anticipated – perhaps it had something to do with being home, physically home in a place that meant so much to me. At any rate, it was the right choice to make, to follow this path of soul retrieval and finding the essential self on my own, instead of following the “traditional” shamanic route.  I am more comfortable with my own tradition – to each their own on this gorgeous journey of life.

The fourteen year old girl who hid away because she was bullied and found sanctuary with the horses in the valley – all I had to do was stand at the valley edge, where I could see her, extend my hand and watch her turn to me, smile, and extend hers – across the valley she flew back into me.  The 24 year old woman, who was about to leave Canada for the first time with her new husband, once again leaving behind everything she knew to face the unknown, and who did not want to come with me, choosing instead to remain on that path that she walked every day as she waited for the visa clearance – she was equally easy to find.  On a hot, humid evening I found her as I walked down that same path, and she walked towards me and straight into me, my heart feeling full as I told her that everything turned out okay, that there was nothing to fear. She settled at once within me and I felt both heavier and lighter at the same time, my heart a little fuller.  I now just needed one more piece to make the puzzle complete.

And so we went to the power spot, where the river met the lake, in the late afternoon sunshine.  In the sand on the beach, I drew a circle around me, reinforcing the nature of the cyclical, the sacredness of the world, the fact that there is no beginning and no end.  I made my prayers to the spirits of place, the four quarters of the world and the ancestors.  I sat down and made clear my intention, and then my friend joined me to help.

He reminded me of that part of myself that I felt I had left behind, that I had trouble reaching lately. He described, in detail, aspects of her that I had forgotten completely. Seeing myself reflected through his eyes, she came back to life.  Being with someone who knew me so deeply was not only a comfort, but he was also my guide back to her. And in doing so, he surprised himself by finding a part of his own soul that he had nearly forgotten.

With open arms I welcomed her back. We hugged each other with tears in our eyes as we both remembered our essential selves, and honoured the beauty and sacredness of the moment, this life, this world.

Welcome home.

Soul Retrieval Part Two

So I had to think, retrace the steps back to where I left a part of my soul behind.  Taking a shamanic inner journey to the various Otherworlds was an option, but instead I opted for actually physically going back to my roots.  Sitting in the backyard of my ancestral home, after visiting all my power spots that I grew up with as a child, I delved down deep into my self to see what could be done.

The hedge encircled me, protecting me, sheltering me from the wind and the heat of the summer sun, the oak and birch trees also offering their shade and their welcoming presence. Centring myself, I rooted deep down into the sandy soil, pushing downward through the base of my spine as I had been taught, sending down my tap root. Breathing deeply into this taproot I anchored around granite rocks, and then sent out all the other supportive roots, stabilising myself.  Breathing up the cool, earthy scent deep down I relaxed even further and began, holding my intention clear.

The first thing I realised was that this was going to happen over several days.  There were different moments in time when a piece of my soul had split off, for various reasons.  I decided to begin with the most recent, and work my way back.

Trudging through the slushy memories, I came face to face with myself, and simply asked, “Why?”

She looked back at me, and in her eyes I fell fowards, going back to that time and space.  I heard her voice as the memories played back like a film before me.  She softly replied to my question with three answers that struck me deep inside a part of myself; they rang true. I didn’t like some of them, but they were true.

The memories then came flooding back, and I began to fall deeper into them, diving down.  A weight was in my mind, dragging me down, as well as physically – I could feel my head falling down onto my chest.  I was getting dragged down into the memories, without realising it.  I grabbed that part of my soul back and we both fell downwards, upwards, sideways.  And then help came.

From the cedar hedge all around me, the chickadees called.  These little souls, who I had grown up with, called me back.  Their clear calls awakened me from the memories, and I came back to myself sitting in the backyard, surrounded by my little guides.  I raised my head and smiled my thanks to them, and they quieted down, still waiting in the hedge in case they were needed.

I had my answer.  I had a part of myself back too, that I thought was gone forever.  A line from the fantasy book that I wrote years ago resounded through my head.  Things must be bestowed from within as well as without, things that are integral to your soul singing free and clear. Honour, love, laughter, forgiveness and compassion…

I sat for several minutes, feeling the dappled sun on my shoulders, the cool breeze on my skin. I breathed in the sharp cedar scent, and relaxed, pulling my taproot back into my spine.  A buzzing to my right caught my attention, and a foot away from where I sat a tiny green hummingbird was flying around the bee balm. I watched him for several minutes and gave my thanks for his beauty.

The next journey now lies ahead of me.  I have an old friend with me for this one, as well as my guides, ancestors and My Lady.  I look forward to it.