Re-blogs

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Reblog: Not Giving It Up

This is a reblog from my channel at SageWoman on Witches & Pagans. To see the full article, click HERE.

Everybody wants you

Everybody wants your love

I’d just like to make you mine all mine

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na,

Baby give it up

Give it up, Baby give it up

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na,

Baby give it up

Give it up, Baby give it up

Everybody sees you

Everybody looks and stares

I’d just like to make you mine all mine

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na,

Baby give it up

Give it up, Baby give it up

Lyrics to a popular song by KC and the Sunshine Band.  Most of us know it. Most of us have bopped to it in our lives. Have any of us really listened to the lyrics?

Upon hearing this song on Radio Two the other day, I thought “Here we go- another piece of 80’s electronic music – drivel. Oh well, might as well listen to the lyrics and see if there is any inspiration there”.

There wasn’t.

What I did find was someone who wanted to own a woman, who only saw her as a sexual object, who was trying to convince her to have sex with him. Am I reading too much into it? I don’t think so – the lyrics are right there, saying just that.

The woman in this piece is an object. Everyone wants to own her for her physical beauty. Everyone wants to have sex with her. But where is the woman herself in this piece? Surely she is more than what is offered between her thighs.  People are only seeing the surface. And then responding to that surface, with sexual overtures.  How would you feel if you were the woman in this song? Everyone seeing you, everyone looking and staring, everyone wanting to “make you theirs”.

Sounds a bit predatory, doesn’t it…

(cont’d at DruidHeart on SageWoman)

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Reblog: Welcoming the Light at the Spring Equinox

This is a reblog from my Druid Heart, at SageWoman’s channel on http://www.witchesandpagans.com:

The sun rises ever earlier, the days becoming longer. Soon the balance will tip, when the night gives way to the lengthening days. The spring equinox falls on March 20th this year, and after a very wet winter I am very much looking forward to it.

Watching the sun rise and set every day, honouring it with a short prayer and ritual gesture, I can attune myself to the cycles of the sun, of growing life and nourishing decay.  I honour the cycles of the moon, with ritual and spontaneous prayer upon seeing Her face.  Feeling these rhythms deep in my blood and bones, I also feel the shift as the equinox approaches. Similar to the autumn equinox,  I feel like we are on the edge of a knife, ready to be tipped over into a new cycle.

Unlike the autumn equinox, where all seems hushed, teetering on the precipice with dignity and solemnity, the spring equinox is filled with the songs of birds urging us to simply open our wings and fly into the great unknown.  Yet we must take that reaching towards the light as seriously as we take the descent into darkness, otherwise we could get burned. We must protect what we sow in the spring for it to reach fruition in the autumn…

To continue reading, please click HERE to see the full post. x

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Elen – The Wild Spirit

This is a reblog from my channel at SageWoman. Photo credit: Keeper of the Forest, by Rania Maria

elen1

She is with me – I can feel Her as soon as I step out the door.  She calls to me, she pulls me further away from the houses of humanity, deeper into the wilds; the windswept heath, the dark forest, the bright birch glades.  I smile and answer her call with a song in my heart, my footsteps getting lighter and lighter as I head out to meet Her. I walk taller, with more grace, my body flowing and moving without the restrictions that are usually placed upon it.  I feel an almost eldritch tingling in my blood – the awen is awakened.

My sense of self fades away, sloughing off in evanescent shades flowing behind me to melt into nothingness.  I blend in with my surroundings – wearing faded greens and browns but also my personal space, my nemeton, dissolving into the land around me. This dissolution, this immersion in the landscape brings me closer to Her.

Each step is a sacred prayer.  Gentle, aware, heel rolling to toe, I feel the earth beneath my feet.  This land is holy ground.  The air is sweet, tinged with scents of Spring and I see it reflected in the budding narcissus, the already blooming crocus.  The birds have changed their songs to those that speak of warmth and sunshine, soft rains and the greening.

My joy in Her flows out of me and back inwards in an endless cycle.  That joy is a quiet joy – there is no need to shout, no need for a fuss.  It is pure, it is simple. It is utter awareness of the present moment, and the present moment is all that there is.

I look into the shadows beneath a stand of low pines, and there they are – her children.  A small herd, of about a dozen, lie beneath the darkened canopy where no footpaths lie.  Here they can rest undisturbed.  I greet them ever so softly with my mind – I do not enter into myself to do this – it is merely an honouring and acknowledgement of their beauty without breaking the immersion in the present moment.

I continue on, blessed by the gift of seeing her children.  I know that I will see more.  I know too that I am of Her, related to Her, to her children.  She is within me and I am within her. The deer are within me and I am within them.  I only have to open my awareness to this to see the brilliance of this blessed gift. So simple, so easy.

The sunlight is warm upon my skin, the breeze is cool, playing with my hair and scarves, making them dance in the wind.  I come to a very special place, and there they are – a herd seventy strong.  They see me and wait – I wait also, allowing them the first move.  The leaders are then startled by something, and they run across the open grassland from forest cover to the cover of brush, all in a line, along a sacred trackway that they have made over hundreds of years.  This is Her trackway, and I watch with soaring spirit as they follow the flow of spirit across the heath.

I go to the birch trees to offer my greetings and leave a gift – a brilliant white egg-shaped stone I found amongst the heather.  I then make my way back across the heath, coming across the trackway that cuts the green sward in half.  I can still feel their energy – their silent, swift energy running towards the pine trees and dried bracken.  As I cross that line, I feel it moving through me, and I swirl it through my soul before letting it run free again along the deer path.  I am filled with golden light.

I can feel Her eyes upon me, watching from the forest edge.  Her antlered head is thrown back with laughter, Her green eyes dancing even as my soul dances.  Silently she shares in my joy and I in Hers, and then she disappears.

I make my way back towards home – there are a couple of deer hidden among the brush near to one of the paths I wish to take. I do not want to startle them – I choose another path.  Moving along the forest edge I look up, and see the large herd again, this time ghosting through the trees, running silently and swiftly between the beech trunks, flashes of light and darkness.  I bend down where I stand and bring my hands to the rich mossy ground.  Looking down, my pale skin shines silver-white in the light against the vibrant green of the soft carpet, as if moonlight, not sunlight shone upon them.  I close my eyes and breathe deep into the earth, giving of myself to Her.

Making my way homewards, I am always loathe to leave Her sacred ground.  She is always within my heart, and always within my spirit – a sense of wildness, of laughter and play, of wariness and strength.  She is muted when indoors, but She is there, deep within my soul even as I greet my Lady of Sanctuary upon entering the home. She smiles and reaches out to her Sister, Nemetona, the Lady of the Sacred Grove.

She is Elen, the wild goddess.  I honour Her with all that I am.

To find out more about my writing, please visit my author page at Amazon, where you will details on my books such as The Book of Hedge Druidry as well as The Path of the Hedge Witch. 

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Desperately seeking Druid: The over-sexualised images in D&D fantasy games

The first thing that usually happens when I comment on the sexist artwork and portrayal of women in fantasy roleplaying games is “Oh, you know that’s just how it is” – it is this complicitness in the game that I find so terribly frustrating – and also a little frightening. Whether you are being subject to catcalls or wolf whistles, sexual remarks and proposals in “real life”, in a field of live-action roleplayers, or in a game, can we not change the culture into one where all genders are treated with honour and respect?

This is a blog post from my channel over at SageWoman, where I look at the subject in the form of the artwork that portrays female characters in the game.

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Deep Paganism

Reblogged from my articles at Moon Books – http://moon-books.net/blogs/moonbooks/deep-paganism/

As Pagans I feel that we naturally tend towards a worldview that is less anthropocentric, especially if we follow an animistic path.  Our love of nature, whether it is the world around us, or human nature, or both leads us on a journey that can take us outside of our selves, and thereby gaining a wider perspective on the whole.

Deep ecology is about thinking less about the benefits towards humanity, and more about the benefits to the environment. Buddhism, with its tenets of compassion, is very much in a similar vein; we try to drop the ego in order to benefit the world, and by becoming less self-centred, are better able to help others.  Some spiritual and secular journeys can put too much stress on human relations, and not enough on the wider web of life.  Within Paganism, we can see that we are always connected, and that connection is what inspires us to lead a life more attuned to the natural cycles, or vice versa.

In my own Druidry, what I seek is total immersion in my natural environment. I strive to loosen my sense of self as an individual and instead seek to blend my song with that of the world around me, finding a harmonious union.  When out walking on the heath or in the woodland, I let the “I” drop away, and become totally immersed in the present moment. I feel that this gives me a greater connection to the world, allowing what Buddhism calls the dharma to flow.  Dharma is simply reality, which we so often tend to avoid at all costs. When we realise the beauty of the present moment, when we can truly live it in every sense of the word, then we are truly connected to everything.  We become part of everything, and in this I also see the Druid concept of awen, or flowing inspiration; the life force itself.

If I can free myself of myself, I can open truly to the songs of the universe.  There is no separation – I am the heath, the forest, the deer.  Movements are made in full awareness, and every step is taken in love and reverence. Every breath is a blessing. Everything my eye falls upon is a gift.

In living such a life, what is fundamental is a respect for all things. This is at the heart of animism, which sees the inherent value in all things just as they are.  No one thing is more worthy than another. Each thing is an expression of itself in full blossom, in full fruition.  Even my self, my physical self, is simply energy taking form as my body in this present momen t and perhaps even my mind), for however long or short a time span.  This body is in permanent change and flux, growing and changing shape, eventually dying. In death the change continues, and the form alongside the energy flows in different currents. My body will continue to change, as cells break down and bacteria work to return the physical form to the earth.  The process of life and death, of decay and regeneration is honoured within Druidry and within animism. No one process even is more important than the other. Birth is no more important than death. What we do realise is that life has no opposite – there is only flow, change, awen.

My sense of self is of little consequence in the grand scheme of things. What matters is that I pay attention to what is happening around me, and use that to inspire me to live my life accordingly, with honour and respect.  Paganism allows us to leave behind all the machinations of humanity to follow a different flow, one where we see where we fit in the puzzle.  The love of nature inspires us along the path, demonstrating that there is more to the world that our own human lives.  We are the country folk, the paganus. Even though we may live in cities, we still feel the pull and hum of nature around us, reflected in the sun’s cycles, the seasons, the flows of human nature.

Immersion is key.  If we can allow ourselves to not only ride the current, but become one with the flow itself, we are then blessed with a wholly different perspective not based upon human need and desire.  There is much more to the world than our anthropocentric view, and we honour that world with all that we are.

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Druid Magic

magic circleDruids aren’t associated with magic in the same way that other Pagan traditions, such as Wicca or Witchcraft seem to be.  Yet I’ve found that in every spiritual path, there are elements of magic contained within that are often very similar in nature.

What is Druid magic? Do Druids cast spells? Have magical tools? Do we think of Gandalf, brandishing his staff and saying mightily “You Shall Not Pass!” or his mushroom-addled fellow, Radagast, who lives in the woods, talks to animals and, according to the latest Hobbit films, has a rabbit-powered all-terrain sleigh and brings hedgehogs back from the dead?

Of course it’s none of these things. It would be pretty cool if it were. But Druid magic, like all magic, is subtler than what we see on the screen or read in books.  There isn’t lightning shooting from fingertips or fire balls sparking from one’s eyes.  In fact, many modern Druids don’t use magic at all, or don’t call it magic.

So what is magic? It has often been quoted these days as manipulating the natural forces of energy within nature to provide a desired result.  This could have many interpretations.  Flicking a switch and having my living room lit up at night could fall within this category, but I’m being a bit facetious. It is also often said that magic should be the last recourse after having tried all mundane means of solving a problem.  So how do Druids use magic, if at all?

There is a growing trend of blending Wicca and Druidry, as in Philip Carr-Gomm’s new book, Druidcraft.  This is a lovely way of expressing the divide between two very similar paths; kind of bridging the gap that lies between.  I thought the book, especially the audio book, was brilliant, and yet I’m still not one to perform spells on a regular basis.  Why is that?

As stated previously, magic is often the last recourse to a situation.  If all other means have been tried, and I’m plum run out of ideas, then I might turn to magic. I might equally turn to prayer. Praying for some guidance, asking the gods, the spirits, the ancestors for a little advice when I’m stuck could be called a spell – it could also be called a prayer.  Lighting a candle and some incense, meditating and then seeking some clarification or inspiration from the ancestors could indeed look like the workings of a magical spell. I think perhaps the difference is in the intention – in both magic and prayer, we are hoping for a result, but the results are often different.

In prayer, asking for the gods to solve a problem for us rarely, if ever, works in my own experience.  I prefer to ask them for inspiration on how to get through this, or my spirit guides on where to go to next in order to resolve and issue.  Casting a spell bypasses the question, in a way, and seeks to get an answer to a question not asked.  Perhaps this is why I resort to magic so little, I always like to ask the input of others to seek out different perspectives on a situation. Again, this is only my own personal views, and others may have other ways of both prayer and spell-casting that are vastly different to my own.

For me, as a Druid I am always questing the awen – for me, awen is the Grail.  Inspiration, flowing spirit – it is such a beautiful word from the Welsh language that has so many different meanings.  To me, awen is magic, though perhaps not in the spellcaster’s sense of the word.  It is energy, it is flowing, it is the Tao and The Force of the Jedi Knight.  It is something to be tapped into in order to gain a new perspective, to see the bigger picture, to obtain compassion. Awen is Buddhist enlightenment.  It is the Christian “God is Love”.

Instead of performing a magic spell, I might wander the heathland or forest, looking for inspiration around me. I might find a place to pray, using that inspiration to guide my prayers to better understanding of myself, the situation, the world.  When all other recourses have failed, then I might try magic – the last recourse.

I feel that magic is something special, something not to be abused or overused.  We often hear the term “god-bothering” and magic may indeed be another form of “bothering” – whether it is the elements, the energy of nature, or something else entirely. I feel that Druids on the whole would turn to awen rather than magic, but perhaps with the blending of Druidry and other traditions this could indeed change, or maybe even change back to the way Druidry used to be – who knows?

Perhaps my quest for awen is my magic.  Magic includes transformation, and questing the awen will indeed change someone.  None of the knights on the Grail quest were ever the same.  None who seek enlightenment will ever be the same person they were before. We are constantly changing anyways, living a life of impermanence and fluidity, of change and flux.

Perhaps just tapping into that idea is magic, is awen.

(Reblogged from my channel at SageWoman: http://www.witchesandpagans.com/SageWoman-Blogs/druid-magic.html)

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Death, Reincarnation and Impermanence

I haven’t sung for a while now. Sometimes when you’re sad or grieving, your body and soul just don’t want to sing.

Thankfully, I have friends and family who have been wonderful, who make me laugh and cry with tears of laughter alongside my tears of unhappiness. Both forms of tears are equally valid, and equally necessary during the time that you grieve.

Having spent the last few weeks thinking about death, I felt that I could now share some ideas with you that I have had about it.  I have been terribly upset at the loss of a very good friend, whom I will never see again.  There is a hole in my life where she used to be, and I still find myself looking for her after all these weeks. Good friends are deeply treasured, and a true blessing.

Meditating upon the nature of death, I have come to the same realisation that Alanis Morrissette came to in her song, “Thank You”.  At one point in the lyrics she states “How about not equating death with stopping”.  I have taken comfort in these words over the last few decades, but never really considered them deeply within my own soul – they were a kind hand on my shoulder from someone who empathises. Now I see the totality of the statement, with a little insight from the Buddhist notion of impermanence and the Druid views of both awen and animism.

The Buddhist view of life is that everything is impermanent, therefore we should try to not cling to anything, even our sense of self, with too much energy. Looking closer at this idea, we see that we are constantly changing, in our ideas, our opinions, our way of life, and we are not the same person we were, say 10 years ago. On a more physical level, we are also constantly changing, sloughing off old skin, our hair growing, our bodies changing shape as we grow older.  Clinging to one thing leads to suffering – if we simply accept that change is a part of life then our suffering will be reduced.

Meditating up on this over the last week, some core truths have sprung up for me that have helped with my suffering.

We are all made up of energy, energy that is in constant motion.  This energy did not spring out into being – you cannot get something from nothing.  This energy is in constant change and flux, according to the environment and circumstances it finds itself in.  Therefore, a Zen koan suddenly made sense to me: “What was the face you wore, before you were born?”

I realised that had never been born.  When we think of being born, we think of suddenly coming into being, but we have already been existing since the dawn of time. It is only our form that has changed with the millennia.  Can we really pinpoint the time we were born, or created? Is creation when egg meets sperm? I am contained in the blood of my father’s fathers and my mother’s mothers as well – can there be a cut-off point? I am the genetic result of thousands of ancestors – where do they end and I begin?  Thinking more laterally as well, I am made up of some of the minerals found in stars and galaxies far away. My blood contains water that I have drunk from all over the world in my lifetime. In this water is life and death of legion of beings. Where do I begin?

In Druidry, many Druids are also animists, believing in the inherent value of all things, whatever their form.  Nothing is more valid or worth more than another thing – they are simply existing in various forms that we perceive throughout our lifetime.  This worldview incorporates the smallest atom to the largest mountain.

If I cannot pinpoint the time when I began to exist, then there cannot be a point in time when I die.  I shall simply change form, the energy running on different currents and in different patterns. Thinking about my friend, I was blessed to know her in her most recent physical form for years, which was always changing anyway.  She has not died, per se – energy cannot simply cease to be.  We often think of death as annihilation. It cannot be so – energy moves but cannot be destroyed.  And so, her current form is undergoing a different process of change. The accepted concept of birth may find its opposite in death, but the term life has no opposite.

What happens to our souls when we die, if we believe in souls, is still the great mystery. But what I’ve come to realise is that at the very least, we can take inspiration from the physical and perhaps also apply that to the idea of the soul as well.  The physical form has now been returned to the earth, decomposing through the process of bacteria and other creatures that are working to change the physical form.  But the energy is still there, being changed into millions of different forms in the circumstance.  Flesh is being eaten by worms and turned into rich soil. That rich soil will feed the plants atop her grave. Those plants will release oxygen into the atmosphere. That oxygen will be breathed by all manner of creatures, or even combine with hydrogen to form water. So, my friend is there, in her grave, but she is also in the plants, in the air, in the clouds, in the water, and inside me.  Her physical form has changed, but it was always changing anyway. Impermanence.

Once I gained this insight, my suffering was eased somewhat.  Not only for the loss of her in my life, but also my own fears of death.  There is no such thing as stopping. Death is not annihilation. It is simply a process, like birth is, into a different and ever-changing physical form. Whether the soul follows some parts in this process is up for question – I like to think so.

Perhaps this is what reincarnation is all about.  The nature of change, the nature of being. Perhaps I have simply been looking at reincarnation too literally.  Reincarnation is simply the new physical form something takes when the circumstances are favourable to its existence. Myself included.

My friend is still here, for she can never go away.  All that has ever been is still here, in some form or another.  We can take comfort in that and ease our own suffering. We can take inspiration from that and live our lives in accordance with it, allowing us to not just to go with the flow, but to be the flow itself, whether that is of the river, the wind, our bloodlines, the Tao or the awen itself.

Thank you, dear friend, for the inspiration and the teaching.  You have taught me so much over the years, and I look forward to still many lessons to come.

Reposted from my blog at SageWoman: http://www.witchesandpagans.com/SageWoman-Blogs/death-impermanence-and-reincarnation.html

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Zen and the Awen

The Celts had Indo-European roots, migrating across Europe and leaving their mark across many countries.  They share many similar spiritual beliefs to other traditions – Buddhist, Saxon and Norse just to name a few.  There are similarities in artwork and other modes of creative expression.  Finding something that is “pure” in any tradition is, at least in my opinion, unattainable. We are constantly being influenced by other people, whether it was 50 years ago, 500 or 5,000 years ago.

Incorporating Zen and Druidry has given me a personal life path that makes a lot of sense in my daily practice.  Simply because Zen Buddhism is an Eastern tradition doesn’t mean that it can’t work with what is commonly thought of as a Western tradition.  (For a more in depth look at Druidry and other Dharmic paths, including Buddhism, Jainism and Hinduism, Philip Carr-Gomm has written a brilliant page on The Order of Bards, Ovates and Druids’ website – http://www.druidry.org/druid-way/other-paths/druidry-dharma.)

Zen and Druidry blend together to form a life path that is utterly devoted to being in the present, giving the Druid a total immersion within nature.  This immersion, not just going with the flow but being the flow itself, is what makes it so special. Zen teaches us to let go of our sense of self, to silence our chattering minds in order to be able to pay attention to the world at large. It also teaches us of discipline, learning how our minds work and how we are so often ruled by our minds, through bad habits, reactionary living, destructive behaviour and so on.

With Soto Zen, the mind is brought under control through hours and hours of meditation, of learning to simply “be”, slowly and gently silencing our “monkey mind” so that we may better hear the songs of the universe.  This is what is meant by releasing the sense of self – it is not, as so many people assume it to be, becoming a mindless zombie.  It is allowing other songs, other voices to be heard above our own so that we may better integrate. We will still have opinions, but we will cherish them less, for we know that everything is in constant change and flux.  We will have a sense of self, but again we hold to it lightly so that we may better see where we fit in the world and where we can do the most good. It is not annihilation – it is immersion, awareness and mindfulness.

Within Druidry, we learn to work with awen, with inspiration and the flow of life itself to see where we fit in the grand scheme of things. We work to see how we can live with the least harm to ourselves and the planet, and also what we can do to make the world a better place.  We work to create peace within ourselves and peace in the outer world as well.  Using our natural abilities and skills, we may work with songs and poetry, or with visions or herbal medicine, with roles in teaching and counselling, in law or in environmentalism – the list is endless.  We are devoted to helping and conserving nature and our planet, sharing the awen and giving back for what we have received.

Using the techniques from Zen for training the mind and the love of nature from Druidry we can find a way to immerse ourselves in our spirituality that is so deeply integrated on so many levels.  When out walking in the forest, we can lose our sense of self in order to become the forest.  Once we are the forest, we are able to drink deeply from the flow of awen that is all life around us.  We become the trees, the deer, the fox, the boulder, the streams and the badger.  We can learn so much from this integration which can also rejuvenate us, providing us with even more inspiration.  We are not looking at ourselves being at one in the forest; we have lost even that in order to become the forest.  When we are fully immersed in simply “being”, we are fully in the flow of awen.

Our footsteps become lighter, our passage barely noticeable. Like the deer, we are able to bound through the trees, awake and aware to every sense.  Indeed, all our sense become sharper, clearer, for our minds are not running us ragged thinking about what to have for dinner, that paper that is due, the meeting we have on Monday.  Fully in the moment, we become the awen.

Zen Buddhism has also leant another aspect to my Druidry that has been rich and rewarding – the idea of compassion. Again, many people misinterpret compassion, seeing it as weak, or being a pushover. Why be kind to others when so few are kind to us?  Living with compassion is what enables us to connect once again to that all important word in Druidry – awen.  The songs of life can only be heard if we try to understand them. We cannot understand them unless we open ourselves to compassion.

In one of the Grail legends, Perceval reaches the wounded Fisher King, and is invited into his castle.  The knight does not ask the King why he is wounded, or how it happened. He shows no interest in learning the story behind the wounded King. Upon sharing a meal with the King, the knight also sees a courtly procession whereby a young maiden carries the Grail through the hall repeatedly throughout the night. Again, trying to appear worldly and nonchalant, Perceval does not ask about this.  These two incidents are the clues in which the Fisher King might be healed, and in which Perceval failed at his chance in finding the Grail.  If he had only asked the King “What ails thee?” then the King would have been instantly and magically healed.  If Perceval had only asked “Whom does the Grail serve?” he would have understood its purpose, and achieved the totality of his quest.

The simple question of “What ails thee” is the showing of compassion.  It is taking ourselves outside of our own minds and our own troubles and asking another person what is wrong, seeking to alleviate their suffering. Also, by asking our selves (the separation of the words, instead of writing ourselves is intentional here) “What ails thee?” we take the time to look within, to perhaps explore shadow aspects of ourselves.  Within many Eastern traditions, it is through meditation that we understand our selves better, and also understand and redirect our reactions to the world – ie. instead of simply reacting to an event, we act with intention, with mindfulness and awareness. With the Grail question, we can ask this of our selves as well as others in pretty much any situation, therefore eliminating a reactionary response for a more intentional approach. In doing so, we may just find the healing for our selves and the world that is so needed.

The second Grail question, “Whom does the Grail serve?” invites us to question our intention.  Whether we are experiencing pleasant or unpleasant aspects in our lives, we can ask our selves “who does this serve?”, thereby eliminating that which is no longer necessary, and bringing joy, awe and wonder back into our lives.  With old habits and patterns of behaviour that we wish to be freed from, we can simply ask this question over and over again until we have the answer that is required for spiritual growth.  We can ask this question in every aspect of our lives, from our weekly shopping (in order to make better choices not only for ourselves, but the planet) to our everyday interactions with other people.  If we are making a positive change instead of falling into negative, but comfortable patterns then we are on the road to spiritual progress. Reminding our selves of the Grail questions has been integral to my learning these past few months, becoming a mantra for everyday life.

In our quest for wholeness, we can either run around in circles, questing after the Grail through established means, or we can simply look within to gain a better perspective on compassion and the divine, whether it be male or female, or even genderless.  It is the deep exploration within that allows us to bring that knowledge out into the world – we cannot simply spend our lives gazing at our own navels – we must bring the Grail out for the benefit of others. We must offer the gifts of compassion and self-awareness. In this, the Grail Mysteries are best served.

In this way as well, both Eastern and Western traditions come together to allow us to help not only our own suffering, but that of the world.  We can learn the values of compassion and mindfulness, and we also look deep within for the inspiration to live an integrated life that reflects the natural cycles of the world around us.

We do not simply touch the awen every now and then – we become the awen ourselves.

(From my blog at Moon Books – http://moon-books.net/blogs/moonbooks/zen-and-the-awen/)

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Reblog from SageWoman: The Darkness Within

shadowself

Reblogged from my channel at SageWoman:http://www.witchesandpagans.com/Druid-Heart

The winter solstice is fast upon us, even though technically the shortest night has already been upon us (for a brain-thumping explanation, see http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2013/12/the-astronomical-hijinks-of-the-shortest-day-of-the-year/282109/).  Thoughts turn inwards at this time of year, when in the darkness we are confronted with our shadow selves, should we choose to face them.  We have the opportunity to learn more of ourselves, and in doing so, better serve not only ourselves but the world.

Performing a meditative journey, I met with my shadow self – that part of your self that you fear, that you loathe, that you don’t understand as well as those things that cause you pain, grief, rage, etc.  This confrontation was very interesting – my shadow self described to me all the things that she thought I was, as well as all the emotions that crippled me. She delighted in telling me them, it seemed – with each utterance she thought she had gained power over me.  The words hit me and reverberated throughout my body – I literally felt them, each and every one.  When she was done I was still standing, though shaky.

I knew that in order to gain some semblance of control, I needed to know her name and so I asked. She refused to tell me, delighting instead in playing games. I finally had enough of it all, and named her myself in words strong and full of intention – “You will not give me your name, and therefore I will name you myself. You are Joanna Alida van der Hoeven.”

She deflated, knowing that I had named her correctly.  “I know who you are,” I said.  “You are all that I fear to be, all that I have been in the past for good or ill and all that I might be in the future.  But you are merely a potential.  The past is gone, and I am not the same person I was then. The future has not happened yet, and so no one dictates that for me. In the present moment, I simply am who I am, free to be who I wish, decried by my words and deeds and actions.” I remembered the words to my favourite film, Jim Henson’s Labyrinth, and faced my shadow self, stating “You have no power over me”.

The encounter was over, and I had emerged tired but triumphant.  Haunted by some aspects of the past, I have realised that they do not dictate who I am now. The past is there to inform us so that we do not make the same mistakes again.  The past informs the present and the future.  We are not our past, just as we are not our future – we can only be who we are in this present moment.  Our lives are filled with potential for good and bad and we can either let fear dictate our actions and allow past mistakes to re-emerge, or we can accept it; we can own our mistakes and become simply the best people we can be at this moment in time.

I have had a mantra over the last few months, that when I question my motives, or feel fear or grief or rage, happiness or unhappiness, I ask myself this – “Whom does this serve?” Taken straight out of Grail mythology, this question is the one that must be asked upon directly viewing the Grail in order to heal the wounded Fisher King.  These four words contain so much power, and have so many different meanings.  It questions us to look deep within ourselves, but also to the greater world at large.  It deeply explores our intention, which to me is one of the greatest powers one can have both within Druidry and the world.  Intention is at the core of every action we make – but we must look deeply at the intention before we act, if possible, in order to ensure that our actions are honourable.

In the darkness, the shadow self has power.  What we are unaware of deep within our selves can control us in so many ways. We must learn to confront our shadow selves, to acknowledge them, to own our past and our mistakes, our fears and our grief, in order to tumble out towards the light once again, ever repeating this cycle even as the seasons change and the tides turn. The awen lies all around us within nature – all we have to do is open our eyes to see it.

(The journey meditation that I performed was part of a series contained in Jenah Telhyndru’s Avalon Within: A Sacred Journey of Myth, Mystery and Inner Wisdom.)

Blog image is from a quilt taken from The Free Motion Quilting Project: http://freemotionquilting.blogspot.co.uk/2010/05/shadow-self-part-2.html

 

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When Maiden, Mother, Crone isn’t right…

My latest blog for SageWoman…

http://www.witchesandpagans.com/SageWoman-Blogs/when-maiden-mother-crone-isn-t-enough.html

After having spent a lovely weekend in Glastonbury with a dear friend, I noticed that there is a lot of focus on the triumvirate of Maiden, Mother and Crone. Walk into any shop and you will find this triple goddess littering shelves, books about these aspects and people talking about where they are in relation to Her.

This triple goddess, however, leaves me a bit cold. Childless by choice, I have no relationship with the Mother aspect of Her, and absolutely no desire for one.  Yet is seemed to be constantly thrown in front of me – at a certain age, we should be entering our Mother phase. My little inner anarchist said bollocks to that.

Firstly, I’ve always had difficulty with a triple goddess, reflected in the phases of the moon for, as everyone knows, there are four phases – waxing, full, waning and new or dark moon.  So, a triple goddess of the moon makes no sense for me personally, though it may work for others.

Secondly, there are many women out there who can identify with my choice of not bearing any children and for whom the phase of motherhood may seem out of place.  I understand that the term motherhood may have many different meanings – you can give birth to ideas, or nurture your own environment. However, to me the term mother has always been a literal one. It is partly why I don’t believe in an all-loving Mother Goddess.  I have a physical mother and no need for a metaphysical one.  My deities of nature do not have the usual aspects of motherhood instilled within them. They simply are what they are, whether that is wind and rain, fog or mist, love, anger and fear, time and tides, floods and drought.

So what is a person to do when bombarded by this triple goddess? It seems taken for granted that everyone identifies with such, especially women. This is not the case. Perhaps we need to find something else that works for us individually.

I considered over the weekend how to change the triumvirate of Maiden, Mother and Crone.  Some ideas that I have considered are Maiden, Priestess, Queen and Crone – and the aspect of Mother could easily fit into one of two categories there should the need arise.  This would also seem to fit in with the phases of the moon – Maiden as the growing, waxing moon, Priestess in the fullness of her power, Queen as we journey into the wisdom of sovereignty with our maturation, and Crone as we delve deep into the darkness and journey towards the winter of our lives.  This feels easier for me, without adding pressure of having to procreate to fit into one of her aspects.

I have heard of people replacing the Mother with Warrior, or Amazon, but this does not sit right with me.  As a Druid I am dedicated to peace, working to create peace in the world through empathy and compassion, using the Bardic arts that I am graced with, as well as the Ovatic gift of vision.

Perhaps I take this just a little too literally, a little too seriously.  As a woman who has made the decision not to have children however, I feel that it is sometimes necessary to redefine the boundaries of what we currently hold to be our personal truths in our ever-changing society.  I feel this is even more necessary in our spiritual worldviews. For me, religion should be an ever-evolving thing, growing with the person and with the society, holding a sacred relationship to our past while looking towards our ancestors of the future.