life

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Being Pagan

Sometimes being a Pagan is simply not fun.

In my path of Druidry, I have to consider the ramifications of every action that I take, in order to maintain honourable relationship with the world around me.  I gave up eating meat nearly twenty years ago. I have since given up dairy altogether.  I recycle everything I can, even though that can be time-consuming and tedious.  I’m spending thousands of pounds on solar panels for my home instead of putting it into a personal savings account.  Every day I make choices based on my spiritual and ethical practice, most of which are “not fun”.

We as humans have been altogether far too selfish. Our endless consuming of resources, without thought for future generations, demonstrates this.  We as humans have the capacity for forethought, and yet we still destroy the planet, our future and the future of our ancestors yet to come.  The world population has doubled in the last 50 years, yet people are still having children, or visiting fertility clinics when there are millions of children already born who need good homes.  We believe in an economy that only works when it keeps growing, when we keep spending to keep this mythical beast alive, feeding it with our hard-earned cash.  We invest in nuclear and chemical weapons, sometimes unknowingly, through the banks we put our money in.  We take, take and take, and virtually give nothing back.

It’s easy to dismiss those people who take a stand for what they believe in, who care for the environment, for whom their religion would not allow them to do otherwise.  Call them overly dramatic, call them attention seekers, call them hippies, fluffy bunny new-agers, or just plain crazy.  De-humanize them, for it is easier to control them and dismiss their arguments then.  Their feelings don’t matter – they’re all just fluff and air.  We need to get on with having our fun, for crying out loud, and not listen to these whingers.

I have been called all these things.  I defy them all, and stand proud in my convictions.  I make my choices based on generations of humans and non-humans yet to come, not out of selfish greed.  I will take a stand against destruction of bluebell woods.  I will protest fracking.  I will sign any petition Greenpeace throw my way.  I will feed the badgers in my backyard and pray for their counterparts in the culling areas, and I will continue to write to MPs to ask them to stop.  I will eat as organically and as locally as I can.

This may mean that I have to give up a hobby with a certain company rather than see the destruction of a single plant, or give up a weekend away with my husband to go to a rally.  My internet time of looking at cute kittens will be limited.  My evenings will be spent ensuring the welfare of my animal cousins.  My food may not be as easy to get, or as accessible (being seasonal and all), but dammit – I don’t care.  This is my life, and this is how I am going to live it.

My Paganism is not limited to circles glowing in the candlelight, the swirls of incense drifting about my upraised arms as I pray to my Goddess.  My religion is in my every action in life.  It is not mystical in the least – it is real, it is practical and it is me.  Whether I am in my ceremonial robes or my pyjamas, my work is important, my connection to the world and my relationship with everything in it equally valid whether I’m waving a wand or not. I may stand at the clifftop and shout my thanks to the ancestors across the sea, or I may sit in the conservatory and stroke my kitty in the growing twilight.  Either act is an act of devotion, of dedication to the present moment, to this world, this time and this place.

I cannot leave my Paganism, my Druidry behind.  It is me.  It is my life.  Others may try to dismiss it, but with love and compassion for all things, I hear their words, and I smile, letting them know that I’ve heard them, and then get on with what needs to be done to spread peace, harmony and love in this world.

I stand proud in the starlight, gazing out at the Milky Way and knowing where my place is within that great spiral dance.

 

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Reblog : Standing on the knife’s edge of the equinox

Here is a reblog of my post on the SageWoman’s channel at Witches and Pagans… http://www.witchesandpagans.com/SageWoman-Blogs/the-knife-edge-of-the-equinox.html

Now we are diving deep into the cool waters of the West, into autumn’s light.  The equinox is just around the corner, and the new moon of September passed.  This year we will be blessed by a nearly full moon over the equinox, which is at 21:44 on Sunday, 22 September (where I live in the UK).  The tipping point is near, the balance will shift, and we will enter into the fading times of restful thought, of dreaming in the dark.

This is a pivotal point of the year.  Relishing in that special moment, when day and night are equal, we can ride that wave of energy, humming with all that we bring to it, the sacredness of the time and place in which we celebrate.  Standing at the edge, looking over the horizon for a moment, maybe two; we breathe deeply before we fall forward into our lives once again, with its cycles and spirals.

As we plunge into the depths of the dark half of the year, what will we bring with us along the journey?  Now is the time to think about what it is that we wish to carry forward, and what it is that we wish to leave behind.  It is a time to think about honour, integrity, loyalty, courage and wisdom.  It is a time to look at our actions, at our lives, and see in what way we can live in a more truthful way to our own wild natures, yet still moving within the compass of compassion and awareness.

Are you living your ethical code?  Are you in tune with your moral ideal? If not, now is the time to address that.  Looking over the year, our lives, generations upon generations of souls, we see what seeds have been planted, and which are most beneficial for all.  We carefully collect these seeds, to carry them with us through the dark months, to plant again next year.  We hone our sense of ethics, we look deeply into the meaning of honour.  What actions have we made that have been dishonourable? What will we do to ensure that this does not happen again? How can we live in tune with our ideals, and support our community, our planet, and our universe?

I know I am breathing deeply of late, with prayers into the growing dusk and spending time reflecting upon what has been, what requires change.  For me, autumn is a time of reflection, the light upon the water. And as I stand on the knife’s edge, I hold close to my heart my inspiration, my awen, and laughing I will fall forward into the cool darkness of winter, knowing that the cycle continues.

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Reblog from Moon Books – Authenticity vs Validity

Reblogged from my blog at Moon Books – http://moon-books.net/blogs/moonbooks/authenticity-v-validity/#comment-5159

I remember, quite a few years ago now, reading Ronald Hutton’s Triumph of the Moon. I had always known, vaguely, that modern paganism was just that – modern.  After reading that book, and finding out just how modern most of our rituals and celebrations are, I had a bit of a religious crisis.  I was having a really hard time coming to terms with the fact that the spiritual path I was following was essentially made up by two guys in the 1950’s and 60’s.

For a couple of weeks I toiled with this issue, until it finally dawned on me that all religions, at some point, were made up by some people.  Simply because someone made it up 200, 2,000 or 20,000 years ago didn’t make it any more valid. I realised that authenticity did not equal validity.

There was no way of tracing pagan roots back to what we would imagine to be a more “pagan time”  – ie. for most this would be before Christianity.  Paganism didn’t write or record much down in words, though we can catch remnant in snatches of old folk songs, rhymes and the like.  If our paganism is inspired by an even older spirituality, such as our Neolithic ancestors, then certainly we have no written records – a few artefacts, burial mounds and sacred sites to draw inspiration on, but nothing of their words to live by. We still do not know, and can never be certain, what they actually believed, how they lived their lives and how they communed with their gods, if any. We can only speculate.

And so, two men, Gerald Gardner and Ross Nichols pieced together a spirituality as best they could, after looking into folk traditions and seeking inspiration from the natural world itself.  This evolved into what is recognised as Wicca and Druidry today.  These paths are not hundreds of years old, though they have been inspired by older traditions.  This does not invalidate them in any way.

I would personally have a harder time believing in the validity of someone’s path who told me that they were following a “thousands year old British tradition” than someone who told me that they made up their own spiritual path.  Why? Because the need for justification of a tradition bothers me – why do we need to justify our paths?  Our good Druid friend, Iolo Morganwg, made up a lot of stuff when he couldn’t find any reference to it a couple of hundred years ago, and yet the stuff that he made up has great resonance and beauty for some druids.  Yes, he passed it on as “real”, and was only caught out fairly recently in his forgeries, however they still remain beautiful and meaningful forgeries nonetheless for many.  It bothers me that he felt the need to forge these documents, but it doesn’t make his tradition any less valid for himself and others with whom it inspires. The question of lying about the authenticity of a tradition is what invalidates it for many.

Why do we feel the need to authenticate a religion or spiritual path before we embark upon it?  Does this have anything to do with the Age of Enlightenment vs the Age of Reason? Why should one be more valid than the other, simply because it has hard facts that it can draw upon?

A religious and spiritual path is such a personal thing, that I find it hard to believe that any one path is good for more than one person.  We can certainly be inspired by it, but the path must be walked by us, and us alone – no one else can do it for us.  Buddha said “Be a light unto thyself”.  We have to find our own ways of communing, our own relationship with the world in order for it to make full sense to our hearts, bodies, minds and souls.  Oftentimes the words and teachings of others can come close, and yet they are still not quite as personal as a one to one relationship.

Protestants have a more personal relationship with God, for the most part, than Catholics when it comes down to it.  That in an inherent part of Protestantism, one that is explored and made quite poignant in Arthur Miller’s The Crucible.    Protestantism placed a great emphasis on personal, individual reading of the Bible, thereby increasing the personal relationship with God – no other could really do that for you.  Sadly, within history and especially after the birth of Calvinism, fundamentalism became de rigeur.

How much of our paganism today is influenced by this Protestant way of thinking? It’s hard to tell, but it’s not something I have a problem with.  I like the idea of everyone having to find their own personal relationship with God, or a god, or goddess, or the spirits of place, their ancestors or the three worlds of land, sea and sky.  This idea is, of course, not solely attributed to Protestantism (remember Buddha’s quote?) but it is one of the more recent religious institutions in the UK, of which we are currently exploring the legacy.

How far back the tradition of personal relationship with deity goes is, to me, of no consequence.  It’s nice to have historical authenticity, but it does not a spirituality make.  It is within the personal relationship with whatever it is that you are communing with, and which changes you, inspires you or moves you that is really what matters in this life.  Whether you pray using a prayer that is a thousand years old, or one that you made up on the spot, it is in the feeling and intent behind it that matters most, not in the words themselves.  It must connect you with what it is you are trying to reach, else what is the point?

So, to all those out there who are making it up as they go along, who find spiritual validity in what they do, I give a hearty hail!  To those whose find the words of others resonate deeply within their soul, and blend their historic traditions with personal experience, again I give a hearty hail!  Life is too short to follow a path simply because others have trodden it – we can learn from that path, but ultimately it is we who are doing the walking, no one else, and in that is our own validity and personal experience found and blessing us along the way.

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Fear of Ageing

Having recently just turned 39, my thoughts lately have been turning to our society’s views on ageing.  Ageing is something that we must fight, if you listen to all the women’s toiletries marketing ploys.  Combat ageing, they say, with their Miracle Defense Cure (incidentally, I did a search on how many products contain the word “defense” in their name for creams, lotions and potions, and it was staggering…) and you will be young forever, for young is beautiful.

Now, I don’t know about you, and can’t speak for the masses, but I don’t want to look like a twelve year old girl.  Most models in fashion magazines are under 16 years of age.  They wouldn’t even be able to afford the clothes that they are modelling for the older, more affluent women who buy said magazines.  Billboards and television advertisements show us young women all the time, for everything from cosmetics to kitchens.  We have ingrained in our minds that young is beautiful, and have it reinforced each and every day.

I have recently heard that young women are also shaving themselves completely, removing all pubic hair. Why, I have absolutely no idea, but this only reiterates our new obsession with youth – they may state for hygienic or fashion purposes, but the fact of the matter remains – they still will end up looking like pre-pubescent girls.  Not terribly sexy, in my opinion.

Why do we have such a fear of ageing? Why do we consider youth to be so beautiful, at least for the human race?  Many humans see beauty in older things, such as a 500 year old tree, or a 1,000 year old cathedral. Here in the UK, the ideal home in the country would be something reminiscent of a house built in the 1600 – 1800’s.  Old, at least for some things, is aesthetically pleasing. Why not for the human body as well?

We do not venerate the old in our society; it is not an achievement anymore to reach old age, what with the wonders of modern medicine.  Old people are a burden to those still earning money, getting in the way until they are put in homes.  We do not look after our elderly anymore, but pay others to do it for us.  Out of sight, out of mind.  We fear ageing, we do not want to have to deal with it.  It’s a sickening, maddening cycle, for we will all age. It’s the one thing that we cannot avoid at any cost.  The diet industry might lose us as customers once we’ve lost the desired weight, but there’s no stopping the ageing process, and manufacturers know this, licking their lips in anticipation of our progress down the linear track of time.

Ageing for a man is still, as far as I can observe, less of a fear than for a woman.  Men with grey hair are sexy. Women with grey hair are not.  Distinguished, people say of men with grey hair.  What of women?  Personally, I cannot wait to have grey hair, or white even – I love the colour.  But society disagrees with me, and sells us harmful chemicals to put on our heads to cover up those grey hairs.  As women live longer than men, on the whole, why do they fear ageing even more?

The loss of youth equals the loss of beauty.  We need to change our perception of that in order to alleviate our fears.  It’s a silly fear in the first place, as nothing we can do will prevent it from happening.  And yet, women all over the world go under the knife to have surgery, or injections, or pay exorbitant amounts of money on products that don’t really do anything.  Why, for the love of the goddess, why?

Fear is such a grand motivator in all things.  We must embrace our fear, as we must embrace our ageing.  What is it that we fear about ageing? For some, it might be the fear of being cast aside, of not being a “productive” member of society – what will I do in retirement? For others, it means coming to terms with their own mortality.  I know that after meditating on this for some time, my personal fear is the loss of beauty – until I realised that beauty does not come with an age limit.  I look around me and find inspiration in all things beautiful and realise just how limiting it is to think of beauty in terms of age.  Step outside the human mindset and watch your world expand.

Watching my face and body change is now no longer depressing – it’s interesting, and a little exciting.  My curves are softer, my breasts larger.  I have cellulite on my thighs.  I have wrinkles on my cleavage.  Little lines around my eyes.  My hands show the hours of work that I have put them to.  My days of sunshine and laughter shown in freckles and wrinkles.  Tattoos mark life transitions, and will look amazing no matter what age I get, as they will change with my body.  Scars show life’s trials and tribulations. All these are a part of my self, and denying these, hating these, is hating myself. What a bloody waste of time.

If society tells me that I should fear ageing, I shall stick up two fingers to it and tell them to bugger off.  I’m more afraid of war, nuclear waste, fracking and the poor badgers who are being culled than I am of ageing.  I no longer fear ageing full stop. To hell with their distractions – there are so much more important things to be doing that standing in front of a mirror looking at a wrinkle or two.

I adored my youth, and have many, many fond memories of it.  Growing up in a beautiful part of the world, loving a beautiful boy for the first time, learning to play music and sing, to roam and find personal freedom.  I am also adoring my “middle years”, whatever that may mean.  Each and every day is precious, and so I will be thankful for them.  There is no battle to be fought, there is no war to be won on ageing.  Time is time, and cares not whether you try out your best wrinkle defense cream.  Be like time, and care not about that which you cannot alter. Don’t go with the flow, but be the flow itself.  Live, love and be happy, free of the fear that society tells you that you should have.  Stand tall and proud, grey hairs and saggy breasted, and know that you are goddess, that you are beautiful, if you only allow yourself to be.

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Four Mantras for Good Relationship

Vietnemese Zen Buddhist monk, Thich Nhat Hanh recently spoke in a live webstream from Plum Village (the community he set up in France) about many things, one of which really struck a chord with me about relationships.  He has produced four mantras which help us to learn compassion for each other, and to better open up lines of communication, which is key to any relationship. The four mantras are:

  • Darling, I’m here for you.
  • Darling, I know you are there…and I’m so happy you are there.
  • Darling, I know you suffer…that is why I am here for you.
  • Darling, I suffer – I am trying my best to practice. Please help me.

The first mantra, “Darling, I’m here for you” demonstrates that the other is not alone in this world. Indeed, we are never alone – the idea of being alone is one that has hounded us ever since we made the mind/body disconnection.  The rationalists and the materialists have argued this one thoroughly, so I won’t go into it here, but suffice it to say that within most branches of paganism, the mind are body are thought of as connected.  That being said, through our bodies we are all connected to every other thing on this planet – we contain minerals in our blood that are found in stars, we breathe the air our ancestors breathed, we are all held down by gravity.  There can be no separation in the truest sense.  Our current lives lead us to believe that there is separation – could this simply be a marketing ploy, to divide and conquer?  Something to think about later… but I digress.  When we say “Darling, I’m here for you” we are putting the needs of another ahead of our own, as well as showing them that they are not alone.  In today’s society, that can be and is a great gift that we can give to others.

The second mantra, “Darling, I know you are there, and I am so happy you are there” shows us the joy that others give us, simply by sharing this journey is life.  It is a simple recognition of another soul, which again in today’s society can be so lacking. We lead such virtual and busy lives that speaking these words can reconnect us to the one that means so much to us.  We take so many things for granted, and we should never, ever take our loved ones for granted.  We must remind ourselves each and every day how wonderful it is to have these people in our lives. Allowing ourselves to feel the joy in having someone in our life is another gift, and when we express that joy, that joy spreads throughout the world.

The third mantra, “Darling, I know you suffer, that is why I am here for you” enables us to feel compassion for others in our lives, to show them that we see that they suffer.  So often people feel that they are suffering alone, and when we acknowledge the suffering of others, we immediately have more compassion for them, whether they are our loved ones or not. Everyone is fighting their own battles.  This changes not only our worldview, but changes the perception of those whom we are trying to connect to. Simply listening to someone, truly listening to them, is a great aspect of this mantra.  So often we are not listened to – we are often heard, but is anyone really listening? To give your full heart and attention when someone is trying to connect with you, or vice versa, is key to any relationship.

The fourth mantra, “Darling, I suffer – I am trying my best to practice. Please help me” is perhaps the hardest one to fulfil.  So often our egos get in the way that we simply cannot ask for help, let alone allow others to see our suffering.  How many times have you “suffered in silence”? Why do we do this?  Sometimes, when a loved one has upset us, and then they ask us “What is wrong?” our immediate response is “Nothing,” filled with anger, fear and tension.  They know that something is wrong, but we refuse to tell them in an attempt to punish them for hurting us.  If we allow that hurt to express itself, it will not linger and communication can open up in order to find a resolution.  If we simply answered the question, without judgement or anger, we might be able to see the other side.  We must admit to others that they have upset us, and we must do our best not to let our anger get control. We feel our anger, but we do not attach to it. By not attaching to it, we can talk about it with greater compassion and find greater healing.  We do our best to practice.  When we ask for help, we are putting aside our egos and allowing that other person in.  It’s not easy, but it does change everything. So often our anger is based on a misperception, and allowing the room for that perception to be corrected gives us greater scope for compassion in the world today.

These four mantras are changing the way that I relate to others, I feel in a truly positive and beneficial way for everyone.  For that, I am truly thankful!

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Open Letter to the Badgers of the UK “Trial Cull”

badger cullDear Badger Cousins,

I write to apologise for the failing of my species.

I am so utterly sorry for our short-sightedness, for our unreasonable behaviour when we claim to be the only species that carries reason.

I am so sorry for the killing of your brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers, aunts, uncles and grandparents. I am sorry for the killing of your children.

I am sorry that our government has decided to allow this “trial cull” to go ahead despite scientific evidence that it wouldn’t help the problem.

I am desperately sorry that even though there is a vaccine for bovine TB that our dairy farmers refuse to use it, as it means they cannot trade with the EU should they vaccinate.

I am so very sorry that those being killed are not even taken back and tested to see if they have TB as per article 6.7 in the Bovine TB Policy.

I am utterly sorry that this “trial cull” has nothing to do with bovine TB, and isn’t the main objective in article 6.1 of the Bovine TB Policy – that it is mainly looking at the effectiveness of shooting to see if they can kill in a safe and cost effective fashion.

I am sorry that because of us humans, you were put on a protected list in the first place, and that now we are killing you off even more, for no apparent reason.

I am sorry that dairy farmers are not asking for better monitoring and control of moving cattle across the country to prevent the spread of bovine TB.

I am also sorry that the living conditions on some dairy farms are what are causing bovine TB.

I am sorry that DEFRA have allowed the use of dogs to locate injured animals, and allowing the possibility of further mauling of your kindred by our hounds.

I am sorry that hundreds, if not thousands of you will not even have a clean kill, and die in excruciating pain due to the lack of monitoring of the people who are doing the killing, and the lack of specialists in this abhorrent so-called trial as per DEFRA’s statement.

For all these reasons and more, I apologise on behalf of my species.

Know that I continue to support the protest movement against this genocide of your species.  I continue to sign petitions, write letters and make the truth known.  Though distance is a factor and I cannot protest where the shooting is taking place on the other side of the country, please know that I am doing all that I can for you. I know it is still not enough.

When the developers built their new estate in my village, promising to leave the badgers living on the brown-land alone, and providing a “badger exclusion zone” we knew they were lying, and we could do nothing to stop it.  That crucial evening, as I stood outside in the moonlight and raised my arms towards the construction site, I opened my heart to yours and invited your brethren to come and live here, with us, on the quiet cul-de-sac, the bank beneath my hedge a good place for a sett, and food and love and sanctuary provided.  A few days later we saw our first badger, and we were glad.  Though this is a small act in the horror of what we are currently witnessing, know that people are fighting and working to save your kindred each and every day.

Know that I pray for you every day.  I know that prayers cannot change the world, but they can change the individual praying, and therein lies the power.

Dearest badger cousins, I am so deeply, deeply sorry for the failing of my species.

https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/69463/pb13691-bovinetb-policy-statement.pdf

http://www.badgertrust.org.uk/_Attachments/Resources/858_S4.pdf

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Reblog: Badgergate, Chris Packham

Chris Packham’s article on the absolute absurdity of the badger cull.

http://www.badgergate.org/guest-articles/the-damned-shame-of-it-all/

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Reblog from SageWoman: In Autumn’s Light

Deer in the mistHere is my latest blog for the SageWoman’s blog channel at Witches and Pagans, on the subject of the coming of autumn, my favourite season. x

http://witchesandpagans.com/SageWoman-Blogs/in-autumn-s-light.html

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Excerpt from upcoming book, Dancing with Nemetona

This excerpt deals with the relationship that I see between the two elusive goddesses of Elen and Nemetona….

I’ve always thought of Nemetona as a relation to the ever elusive goddess, Elen.  The antlered goddess, Elen is currently undergoing a bit of a resurrection today, with more and more people discovering Her, though physical sources explaining Her and Her attributes are few and far between.  Elen is a wild goddess, found deep within the wood.  Hidden in the shadows of the trees, she watches you with eyes millennia old. You may catch a brief glimpse of her, and then she is gone, flitting silent as ghost amidst the snowy boughs, disappearing in a heartbeat. She is the heartbeat of the wood, of the wild places, of heathland and moorland. She dances under the moon in star-filled skies, her dance exhilarating and free. And in the blink of an eye she is gone, lost in the mist that slowly curls over the land in eloquent drifts.

 Elen seems to have escaped the history books and academia of the human race. She knows this, and it pleases her greatly. You cannot know her without seeking her out, in the wild places, in the darkness and in the light, in the heat and in the cold. She is to be experienced, not to be read about. She is Elen of the Ways, of the trackways and paths that cross both nature and the human soul. She is a physical deity – you must put one foot in front of the other if you are ever to know her. If you are lucky, you can find the ancient pathways she had trod, leaving her energy behind, enticing you further, deeper into the heart of the wood, where the mysteries lie. Follow the footprints – in the snow, in the mud, in the sand. The cloven hoof of the deer will lead you to her. They are her children, they are Her. Like the deer, she is grace and strength, she is trusting and wary, she is capable of great stillness and explosive action. She is curious and wise, and she will beckon you further in if your heart is open.

Even as Elen embodies the wild aspects of our souls, Nemetona is that which is held in deep reverence, in sanctuary.  Elen runs wild and free throughout the forest, Nemetona holds that spirit safe within the bounds of her circle, the sacred glade at the heart of the wood.  Both goddesses have very little academic and historical knowledge available about them – however both are very much present here in the British Isles, and indeed throughout the world. 

For me, Nemetona walks gracefully in the heart of the sacred grove, robed in natural linens, white limbs shining in the moonlight, her long dark hair flowing down her back.  Elen runs free, flitting between the great trunks of the trees, ghostly as the deer, her limbs browned by the sun and her wild red hair tumbling free about her shoulders.  Elen’s pathways often lead to Nemetona at the sacred heart of the wood.  They often smile to each other, honouring each other and the sanctity of the sacredness of all things. 

For those lucky enough to physically have a sacred grove, a forest or woodland to go to on a regular basis, making that commitment to spend time in that very special place can be an excellent way to meet with Nemetona, and indeed her wilder sister, Elen.  If you can, find a space where you can go as often as you can, to walk beneath the boughs, to become a part of the forest or wood.  If there is a glade within the wood, so much the better – it doesn’t have to be big.  Sit and meditate there, dance in the moonlight, make offering to Nemetona in order to establish that deep connection to Her in her sacred grove that words just cannot even begin to describe.

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Lammas Mysteries

wheat-fieldCheck out my latest blog for the SageWoman Magazine channel at Witches and Pagans – the first harvest, and what it means to me…

http://www.witchesandpagans.com/SageWoman-Blogs/lammas-mysteries.html