Author: Joanna van der Hoeven

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Happy New Year from Octopus Dance!

Wishing you all a very Happy New Year. Thank you all so much for your support with this blog – it has truly stunned me to see all the comments, views and other blogs posts shared here.

In 2013, Octopus dance had over 18,000 views, from 92 different countries.  Thank you so much for sharing your creativity, for being the awen, and for allowing me to share mine.

Quotes from Mary Oliver come to mind:

“Instructions for living a life.
Pay attention.
Be astonished.
Tell about it.”
― Mary Oliver 

 

“to live in this world
you must be able
to do three things
to love what is mortal;
to hold it

against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go”
― Mary Oliver, New and Selected Poems, Vol. 1

 

“Keep some room in your heart for the unimaginable.”
― Mary Oliver

 

Many, many blessings to each and every one of you, and may your journey in 2013 be filled with the wonder that is truly living life, and filled with the awen. Remember – don’t just go with the flow – be the flow itself. x

The Grail Mysteries
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The Grail Mysteries

Reblogged from my channel at SageWoman: My latest blog post for SageWoman… http://www.witchesandpagans.com/SageWoman-Blogs/the-grail-mysteries.html

These past few months I have been delving into Grail stories and mythology, looking for their inner messages and healing stories. I have been working with Jenah Telyndru’s Avalon Within: A Sacred Journey of Myth, Mystery and Inner Wisdom since September, and have just finished reading Jean Shinoda Bolen’s Crossing to Avalon: A Woman’s Midlife Pilgrimage.  There is a lot of resonance and wisdom in both these books, that has opened up my eyes to the Grail stories and also the wisdom of Avalon in ways I never could have dreamt of.

I had always been fascinated by the tales of Arthur and Morgan le Fey since I was a child. Stories of knights riding out on quest, of otherworldly women bestowing kingship, of wizards and wisemen, chivalry and courage and love all held a special place in my heart.  I had always wanted to visit Britain, to see the land that these stories contained – I never thought I would end up living there, but life has its twists and turns.

The Grail Mysteries are utterly fascinating.  What I am currently exploring is the figure of the Grail Maiden, the only one able to handle the blessed object.  Whether she is Pagan or Christian is of little consequence – what matters is that she is the one who is carrying it forth into the world.

The Knights of King Arthur’s court see a vision of the Grail, carried through his Great Hall by a Great Lady – some say Morgan herself, others the Lady of the Lake, or an angel.  This sends them into a frenzied search for the Grail – most of his knights take it upon themselves to find this holy object, winning it for themselves, for salvation or fame, freedom or a connection with the divine feminine. Little is said of the Grail Maiden after this – the attention is all bestowed upon the knights and their quests.

The Grail Maiden appears once again in the tales, when Perceval reaches the Fisher King.  This wounded king is reflected in his kingdom, which is barren wasteland.  Until the King is healed, the land cannot be healed.  What is most interesting is that the Grail is carried through his Court each and every day, and yet he cannot receive its healing properties. Two questions must be asked first in order for the King to be healed – “What ails thee?” and “Whom does the Grail serve?”.  Perceval, in an attempt to appear grand and unaffected, being now a ‘famous Knight of King Arthur’s Court on Quest’, does not question the wound on the King when he sees it, though he does notice it and wonder.  When the Grail is brought through the Court time and again in a repetitive procession throughout dinner, again Perceval ignores it, trying to appear nonchalant. In his refusal to show empathy or compassion, curiosity or care he loses his chance to heal the kingdom and also his chance at the Grail and the Divine Feminine. The Grail and castle disappear the next morning.

So, back to the Grail Maiden – why is it that a woman can only carry this vessel? Many will say that women are natural vessels of the Goddess, and this rings true enough.  In Arthurian tales, women are also the bearers of Sovereignty, also reflected in other tales from the land, such as the Welsh Mabinogian. The vessel is the source of the Divine Feminine, therefore it is fitting that is it borne by a woman. Women bear children, bringing new life into the world (with the help of men, of course). There are certain things that only women can understand through shared stories and life experiences – moon bleedings, bearing children, social and cultural successes and struggles.  The knights on quest are seeking this source of the Divine Feminine, lacking it in their own souls, longing to reach out to the Goddess but unable within the constraints of their religion and their faith.

The quest for the Grail is also an inner quest – it is not all about externally seeking something that is outside our selves. Often the Divine Feminine can be missing from a woman’s life as well.  For reasons too legion to go into here, seeking out a female goddess can be a deep and meaningful way to connect with our own self and, in doing so, other women, humanity and the world at large.

What the knights seems to miss, on the whole, is that the Grail is Woman.  Through honouring Woman as well as Man he can come to bridge the gap, come to know the divine.  It is right there in front of their eyes, but they choose not to see it.  For women, coming to understand our own selves is the forerunner to compassion and empathy not only for our sisters, but everything. In seeing and seeking the Grail within, we can heal our own wounds.  We must also ask ourselves the questions that Perceval did not.

By asking our selves (the separation of the words, instead of writing ourselves is intentional here) “What ails thee?” we take the time to look within, to perhaps explore shadow aspects of ourselves.  Within many Eastern traditions, it is through meditation that we understand our selves better, and also understand and redirect our reactions to the world – ie. instead of simply reacting to an event, we act with intention, with mindfulness and awareness. With the Grail question, we can ask this of our selves as well as others in pretty much any situation, therefore eliminating a reactionary response to a more intentional approach. In doing so, we may just find the healing for our selves and the world that is so needed.

The second Grail question, “Whom does the Grail serve?” invites us to question our intention.  Whether we are experiencing pleasant or unpleasant aspects in our lives, we can ask our selves “who does this serve?”, thereby eliminating that which is no longer necessary, and bringing joy, awe and wonder back into our lives.  With old habits and patterns of behaviour that we wish to be freed from, we can simply ask this question over and over again until we have the answer that is required for spiritual growth.  We can ask this question in every aspect of our lives, from our weekly shopping (in order to make better choices not only for ourselves, but the planet) to our everyday interactions with other people.  If we are making a positive change instead of falling into negative, but comfortable patterns then we are on the road to spiritual progress. Reminding our selves of the Grail questions has been integral to my learning these past few months, becoming a mantra for everyday life.

In a patriarchal culture and society, the loss of the feminine can be devastating, as it was to the knights of the Round Table.  In our quest for wholeness, we can either run around in circles, questing after the Grail through established means, or we can simply look within to gain a better perspective on compassion and the divine, whether it be male or female, or even genderless.  It is the deep exploration within that allows us to bring that knowledge out into the world – we cannot simply spend our lives gazing at our own navels – we must bring the Grail out for the benefit of others. We must offer the gifts of compassion and self-awareness. In this, the Grail Mysteries are best served.

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A magical spell

The power of the word enough – to either stop that which you do not need, or to attain that which you need. In any case, it is about need – we should re-evaluate our needs from our desires to make ourselves better people, the world a better place. Nimue’s words here are good.

Nimue Brown's avatarDruid Life

After some deliberation, I have come to the conclusion that I do indeed have a favourite magical word. It is a charm against abuse, ludicrousness, greed and exhaustion. It has the power to protect the planet from human predation if only we use it properly. As a charm it works in a number of ways, layered with meaning and possibility.

That word, is ‘enough’.

To recognise that we have enough, is a powerful thing. Many people in the world are out there grasping after bigger piles of stuff they cannot use, because they lack the magical insight an ‘enough’ charm will bring. The flip side of the same issue fails to recognise that far too many people in the world do not have enough, do not have food, clean water, shelter or peace. They too need the magic of ‘enough’ to lift them out of misery.

“Enough” is the magic…

View original post 299 more words

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Eulogy for Caia

One of my best friends passed over to the other side today.

Friends can come in all shapes and sizes, and she was particularly beautiful.  A grey Egyptian Mau cat, with long legs and the cutest pointy mouse face when she got excited.  She was nearly 13, and had developed tumours in her belly and intestine.  She hadn’t been able to eat for days, and so we had to do the right thing by her, and not allow her to starve to death. The vet came over this morning and, as she was sleeping on her favouite chair in a sunbeam in the conservatory after many, many cuddles, he put her to sleep – she passed away within seconds.

It’s hard to see a loved one become ill, and harder to let them go.  There is a special bond, I find, with cats that no other relationship can compare.  I find that cats love us not out of need, but because they want to – they choose to.  I have known cats who left their homes and went elsewhere where they were better taken care of, or where they were able to love the people they lived with on their own terms.  Cats most definitely are independent and strong, but can also be the most loving and steadfast friends one can ever have.

Caia loved her cuddles, but she was also content to simply share space with me.  That feeling of companionship, where no words were needed, when it was simply enough to just sit on the sofa side by side and breathe.  We would go for a walk around the garden together and then sit down and watch the sunset.  She loved it when we went outside – she often greeted us and inspected our gardens with us, or supervising us when we were hard at work in them.

She was a fast cat – the grey streak we called her when that was all that we could see dashing across the lawn.  Luckily for the birds, frogs, mice and voles that she caught she didn’t have any teeth left, and so they were released back into the garden, albeit a little soggy.

She was the most beautiful cat I had ever seen. All our neighbours knew her and commented on her striking grey coat with black spots.  She would sit in our neighbour’s workshop at the bottom of his garden when he was doing his wordwork, sleeping on a chair by the door while he made the most wonderful things.  She liked to keep people company  – she often sat on their deck as well and hung out with them.

There is truly something special about  a relationship where there is no need, no want.  Yes, of course she needed a good home, food and shelter and love like we all do. But simply sitting with another being, whether that is cat, tree, mountain or husband, when no words are needed, when nothing is desired, when there is no grasping, no demands – that is where our souls can truly touch each other, in pure and perfect relationship.

Caia was a great friend and I was truly honoured to have shared in a good part of her life.  She will be sorely missed by my husband, myself and our other cat, Kiri.  She was a proud and regal boo, one moment gazing loftily at her garden domain, the other moment all kittenish and playing.  There was a special bond created between us that was not born out of need, but out of love.  Soul to soul we touched each other’s lives, and for that I am ever grateful.

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Reblog from SageWoman: The Darkness Within

shadowself

Reblogged from my channel at SageWoman:http://www.witchesandpagans.com/Druid-Heart

The winter solstice is fast upon us, even though technically the shortest night has already been upon us (for a brain-thumping explanation, see http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2013/12/the-astronomical-hijinks-of-the-shortest-day-of-the-year/282109/).  Thoughts turn inwards at this time of year, when in the darkness we are confronted with our shadow selves, should we choose to face them.  We have the opportunity to learn more of ourselves, and in doing so, better serve not only ourselves but the world.

Performing a meditative journey, I met with my shadow self – that part of your self that you fear, that you loathe, that you don’t understand as well as those things that cause you pain, grief, rage, etc.  This confrontation was very interesting – my shadow self described to me all the things that she thought I was, as well as all the emotions that crippled me. She delighted in telling me them, it seemed – with each utterance she thought she had gained power over me.  The words hit me and reverberated throughout my body – I literally felt them, each and every one.  When she was done I was still standing, though shaky.

I knew that in order to gain some semblance of control, I needed to know her name and so I asked. She refused to tell me, delighting instead in playing games. I finally had enough of it all, and named her myself in words strong and full of intention – “You will not give me your name, and therefore I will name you myself. You are Joanna Alida van der Hoeven.”

She deflated, knowing that I had named her correctly.  “I know who you are,” I said.  “You are all that I fear to be, all that I have been in the past for good or ill and all that I might be in the future.  But you are merely a potential.  The past is gone, and I am not the same person I was then. The future has not happened yet, and so no one dictates that for me. In the present moment, I simply am who I am, free to be who I wish, decried by my words and deeds and actions.” I remembered the words to my favourite film, Jim Henson’s Labyrinth, and faced my shadow self, stating “You have no power over me”.

The encounter was over, and I had emerged tired but triumphant.  Haunted by some aspects of the past, I have realised that they do not dictate who I am now. The past is there to inform us so that we do not make the same mistakes again.  The past informs the present and the future.  We are not our past, just as we are not our future – we can only be who we are in this present moment.  Our lives are filled with potential for good and bad and we can either let fear dictate our actions and allow past mistakes to re-emerge, or we can accept it; we can own our mistakes and become simply the best people we can be at this moment in time.

I have had a mantra over the last few months, that when I question my motives, or feel fear or grief or rage, happiness or unhappiness, I ask myself this – “Whom does this serve?” Taken straight out of Grail mythology, this question is the one that must be asked upon directly viewing the Grail in order to heal the wounded Fisher King.  These four words contain so much power, and have so many different meanings.  It questions us to look deep within ourselves, but also to the greater world at large.  It deeply explores our intention, which to me is one of the greatest powers one can have both within Druidry and the world.  Intention is at the core of every action we make – but we must look deeply at the intention before we act, if possible, in order to ensure that our actions are honourable.

In the darkness, the shadow self has power.  What we are unaware of deep within our selves can control us in so many ways. We must learn to confront our shadow selves, to acknowledge them, to own our past and our mistakes, our fears and our grief, in order to tumble out towards the light once again, ever repeating this cycle even as the seasons change and the tides turn. The awen lies all around us within nature – all we have to do is open our eyes to see it.

(The journey meditation that I performed was part of a series contained in Jenah Telhyndru’s Avalon Within: A Sacred Journey of Myth, Mystery and Inner Wisdom.)

Blog image is from a quilt taken from The Free Motion Quilting Project: http://freemotionquilting.blogspot.co.uk/2010/05/shadow-self-part-2.html

 

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Working with Kindness

Many religions and spiritualities the world over teach that kindness and compassion is the way to live your life in order the create harmony and peace not only for yourself, but for the rest of the world.  This is a form of service, which I think may be lacking in much of modern paganism.  It is in the service to others where we truly shine.  The Sisterhood of Avalon states it beautifully in a triad – service to the self, service to the Sisterhood and service to the Goddess.  Like most things, it starts from within and then spreads to the wider community and the world at large.  Sadly, perhaps due to the growing number of self-help books and various psychologies, this service tends to stop at the self.  Instant gratification in our capitalist society combined with living in relative ease can allow complacency in our lives and in our minds.  We can become grasping even, wanting to be healed, looking for that one thing or one person who will heal us, as we have been taught my marketing campaigns the world over.  Me, me me. I, I, I.

There seems to be a great need for healing in the world today.  Paganism embraces this healing with open arms, honouring it in all its various forms.  We are often told that we must first heal ourselves before we can heal others. In this, I very much agree.  It’s often the hardest thing to heal yourself – focusing on others is much easier than coming face to face with your own pain, grief, demons or shadow self.  However, we can become too engrossed in looking inwards that we forget to look outwards as well.  Too much self-awareness and not enough external awareness.  It can even border on or become egocentric.

The key here I believe lies in kindness.  Through these last few months, when the darkness of winter takes hold and we are gifted with the time and space to reflect, we can look at how we can be kind to ourselves.  This is the best thing we can do for ourselves in terms of our own healing.  It is easier to forgive others for hurting us, or causing us stress, grief or pain than it is to forgive ourselves for doing things that we regret.  Yet we must look at ourselves in the same light as we do others and be able to forgive ourselves in order to move the service from self to others, through the act of love and kindness.  This is our service to our self.

We have to be aware of our edges – we must create boundaries so that when we allow kindness to flow through us we have an awareness that not everyone will be kind in return.  This is not a shutting down or closing off of the soul to others – it is simply being prepared.  Like meeting a strange dog or cat for the first time, we are unsure as to how they will react, and so we proceed with caution.  We still show compassion and love and try to help them should they need it in any way possible. We will also do all that we can to prevent being bitten. This is our service to others.

I have been too open – I have not guarded my boundaries as well as I should have. I have loved freely and been bitten on the ass in return.  I have learned to use boundaries to let me help myself and to help others.  In Brian Froud’s latest faery oracle card deck, there is a card that I drew called The Lady of Faith.  She wears a helmet and shoulder armour, but her breast is bare of armour and she is leaning towards something with a hand to her heart.  This card shows that we must protect ourselves but still allow our hearts to move us in kindness and compassion.

I recently saw a documentary on Phil Robertson, of Duck Dynasty fame about how he transformed his life through his religion and coming to know God and Jesus.  While we may not share the same religious points of view we can agree that it all comes down to kindness.  He described when he was making a living fishing on the river and other “river rats” would come and steal from his nets.  After he had found Jesus, he worked with the idea of kindness and so, when he caught them stealing again, offered them the fish freely.  They took it and responded to his kindness by never stealing from him again.  Phil stated that he will act towards all things with kindness, but still carry a shotgun in case all things weren’t kind to him.

This is very similar to a Zen Buddhist story, where a monk is sitting and praying in his cave high on the mountaintop. A thief comes upon him and threatens him. The monk looks at the thief and states that if he wanted his possessions so badly, feeling he had to threaten and steal them, then he would freely give them if that was his need.  The thief left bewildered and the monk sat outside, looking up at the moon.  “If only I could have given him this beautiful moon”, he said. (Some argue that the monk should have done a Phil Roberston and had a shotgun as well, but that doesn’t fit in with the peaceful and non-violent ideals that the monk held to.)

Living to our ideals, exploring our shadow aspects (those aspects of the soul that we fear, that we loathe, that we deny) and giving back to the world results naturally in leading the way to the further service to the gods.  We dedicate our lives to kindness and compassion with full awareness and in doing so, reflect the true nature of not only our being, but of being.  For me, the gods that I follow all have an aspect of peace and kindness that we can find in their stories to inspire us along our own life’s journey.  Tyr, most often seen as a god of war and justice, to me also represents kindness to animals and loyalty as when he fed the wolf, Fenris, when no one else would.  Nehelennia, the goddess of the North Sea rages and leaves us with a fresh world – sometimes battered but ever inspired by the impermanence of all things.  Morrighan heals after the battles and rejuvenates after the blood is spilled.  Nemetona teaches of boundaries as well as love and peace.  In this I have dedicated myself to learning and being open to the awen of their songs.

Through coming into our own true potential, we are better able to serve ourselves, our community and our gods.  The key to it all is through kindness.  How very simple, how often this message had been repeated over thousands of years. How easy it is to forget in today’s society.  Yet when we open ourselves to the possibilities and let kindness lead us in our actions, peace and harmony are a natural result.

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When Maiden, Mother, Crone isn’t right…

My latest blog for SageWoman…

http://www.witchesandpagans.com/SageWoman-Blogs/when-maiden-mother-crone-isn-t-enough.html

After having spent a lovely weekend in Glastonbury with a dear friend, I noticed that there is a lot of focus on the triumvirate of Maiden, Mother and Crone. Walk into any shop and you will find this triple goddess littering shelves, books about these aspects and people talking about where they are in relation to Her.

This triple goddess, however, leaves me a bit cold. Childless by choice, I have no relationship with the Mother aspect of Her, and absolutely no desire for one.  Yet is seemed to be constantly thrown in front of me – at a certain age, we should be entering our Mother phase. My little inner anarchist said bollocks to that.

Firstly, I’ve always had difficulty with a triple goddess, reflected in the phases of the moon for, as everyone knows, there are four phases – waxing, full, waning and new or dark moon.  So, a triple goddess of the moon makes no sense for me personally, though it may work for others.

Secondly, there are many women out there who can identify with my choice of not bearing any children and for whom the phase of motherhood may seem out of place.  I understand that the term motherhood may have many different meanings – you can give birth to ideas, or nurture your own environment. However, to me the term mother has always been a literal one. It is partly why I don’t believe in an all-loving Mother Goddess.  I have a physical mother and no need for a metaphysical one.  My deities of nature do not have the usual aspects of motherhood instilled within them. They simply are what they are, whether that is wind and rain, fog or mist, love, anger and fear, time and tides, floods and drought.

So what is a person to do when bombarded by this triple goddess? It seems taken for granted that everyone identifies with such, especially women. This is not the case. Perhaps we need to find something else that works for us individually.

I considered over the weekend how to change the triumvirate of Maiden, Mother and Crone.  Some ideas that I have considered are Maiden, Priestess, Queen and Crone – and the aspect of Mother could easily fit into one of two categories there should the need arise.  This would also seem to fit in with the phases of the moon – Maiden as the growing, waxing moon, Priestess in the fullness of her power, Queen as we journey into the wisdom of sovereignty with our maturation, and Crone as we delve deep into the darkness and journey towards the winter of our lives.  This feels easier for me, without adding pressure of having to procreate to fit into one of her aspects.

I have heard of people replacing the Mother with Warrior, or Amazon, but this does not sit right with me.  As a Druid I am dedicated to peace, working to create peace in the world through empathy and compassion, using the Bardic arts that I am graced with, as well as the Ovatic gift of vision.

Perhaps I take this just a little too literally, a little too seriously.  As a woman who has made the decision not to have children however, I feel that it is sometimes necessary to redefine the boundaries of what we currently hold to be our personal truths in our ever-changing society.  I feel this is even more necessary in our spiritual worldviews. For me, religion should be an ever-evolving thing, growing with the person and with the society, holding a sacred relationship to our past while looking towards our ancestors of the future.

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Rise in Druidry

There is a marked increase in the rise people who follow a Druid path and, indeed, all Pagan paths. Why should this be?

In today’s society, we can become so distanced from nature that we feel we need to do something to return to it; something that will connect us once again with the rhythms and flows of life.  However, this separation is in itself an illusion that we have created, for we can never be separate as long as we are living and breathing in this world. By mere fact of our existence, by the breath that we share with all other beings on this planet, we have a shared existence and a shared experience. We are never disconnected; we are never truly alone.

The illusion can be very convincing though.  It is supported with lifestyles and gadgets that seem to help fund the energy of the illusion.  We commute to work on a train with hundreds of people and feel lonely, as everyone is reading a paper, on their phones or listening to their music, shutting out everyone else. For some highly sensitive individuals, this is even a self-preservation technique.  We have mobile phones that can connect us with thousands of people anytime, anywhere (apparently) and yet we have very little human interaction with most of them.  We live in smaller and smaller family units where interaction with grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles is ever decreasing for whatever reason – time, distance, etc.

Paganism and Druidy in particular can serve to address this need to reconnect, illusion or no.  It can offer us a group of like-minded people who share certain worldviews, or who like to perform ritual a certain way, or support environmental or political causes alongside their spirituality.  It may be discussion groups and forums, moots, talks, workshops, camps and retreats that we share and find inspiration in.  It is looking for that connecting thread that says we are part of a tribe.

With so many technological advances, someone might be drawn to Druidry to get away from their machines, the hum of electricity and the constant noise in an attempt to return to the natural cycles that are reflected in our environment.  Some may be called by poetry of the Romantics, or through historical references or self-actualization.  Some may be following their blood lineage of a Celtic heritage, others might feel called by the land upon which they live and use Druidry as the language with which to communicate.

For me personally, the draw to Druidry was in its simplicity. There are so many forms of Druidry, some highly ceremonial, some more ‘mud and blood’.  It is to the latter, the experiential Druidry, the simple but not simplistic view of the world and its rhythms and cycles that calls me further in.  With no need for magical spells or intricate ceremonies, no regalia or ritual items necessary, just plain and simple communion and communication with nature is what called me.  A fondness and easy way with animals and plants almost made the choice for me. Service to the land, the ancestors and the community is the key tenet of my practice, in that order.

More and more, people are choosing to follow a nature-based spirituality.  Their reasons may be legion, but love of nature is at the very heart.  For me, to be a Druid means not only a love of nature, but service to nature, to the world. We cannot take with abandon – we must give back. We must work hard to protect the things we love from our ever increasingly secular society and its rampant technological advances that do not take into consideration the impact on the rest of the world and indeed, the bigger picture. It is about seeing the sanctity and the sacredness in all things, using the language of Druidry to help us relate.

Druidry is all about the bigger picture. It is about our legacy and what we will leave to our ancestors of the future. It is learning from the past and living fully in the present, mindful of how we live and how we love. It is an ever evolving tradition that works with the talent and energy of the individual in service to the whole.

With the rise of numbers in Druidry, we need to remember this service to the world.  It is not only something for us, but something for the entire planet. We do not practice Druidry for our selves, but for the benefit of all.  This is not altruistic, merely an outcome of service to the land.  In service we grow in our selves, not the other way around. We must look deep within to find our reasons for our Druidry, taking a long hard look at our selves. We must also remember to look outside our selves to the world at large.

We practice, we work, we serve, we step back and regroup in order to practice, to work and to serve. It is a cycle that is represented in the seasons, in the life cycles of everything around us.  It is the awen. It is courage. It is Druidry.

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Taking a Step Back…

Looking back on the last five years, it has been an incredible experience and a serious learning curve for me.  Diving into the priesthood, holding ceremonies, handfastings, baby namings, funerals, and nature reserve blessings just to name a few, alongside the teaching has made it a very busy and very productive time.  Writing books and articles as well as running my dance company has sometimes made it overwhelming, however I am so very glad to have had the opportunity to work with so many wonderful people.

This is a note to say that in 2014 I will be taking a step back from my external duties as a Druid priest in order to further my own studies, diving into deep Druidry, questing the awen.  I will not be taking any bookings for ceremonial work nor taking on any students.  I hope to write and release more books, blogs and articles for publication, as well as attend festivals and go on pilgrimage to various places across these blessed isles.  I seek time in solitude for reflection and rejuvenation and I sincerely hope that you all will understand where it is that I am coming from.

If you have ceremonial or ritual work coming up that you require a celebrant for, please let me know and I can refer you to those priests with whom I have worked or have known and which are held in good steading in the community. It is with every intention that I return to my external priestly duties in the future.

I would like to thank you all so much for allowing me to be a part of your life and many, many blessings to you all!

May all our journeys be blessed; may we be the awen.

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The Sensitive Soul

Being quite sensitive, as in having senses that are very much alive, awake and aware, can leave someone shaking with overload or feelings of being overwhelmed. Working with the senses we find that it is truly a gift, not a curse.

I am a very sensitive person. Not just in the emotional sense but also in my physical senses.  I have very acute hearing (though sometimes selective, my husband says).  I am very sensitive to light levels.  I am extremely sensitive to changes in the weather, barometric pressure changes often giving me headaches or feelings of nausea. I have very delicate tastebuds – food that is barely spicy for most people sets my mouth on fire.  My sense of smell is such that it can often hinder as much as help me in my life – I find it hard to overcome any smell that I find unpleasant.  As for touch, perhaps it has to do with living with practical awareness as much as possible that allows me to really feel things – when I’m typing on the keyboard I really feel the keys, when I am driving I feel the road through the steering wheel – I have very vivid memories relating to the sense of touch.

I can easily be overwhelmed by today’s society.  Walking in the local garden centre a few months back, I had to leave as I was bombarded with visual displays in every aisle, each one making a different noise, talking about a different product, clashing with each other and taking attention away from other things. It became one big not-so-background mess of noise and sound and sight that I had to leave. I later emailed the garden centre to tell them of this – they agreed that others had complained as well.

If a thunderstorm is coming, I know it. If it will soon clear, I know it. I can feel it in my bones.  It can leave me on the bed, nauseous.  However, when it does arrive, I can also revel in the glorious energy that it brings. It needn’t always be a detriment.

When walking in the woods, the slightest sound or flicker of movement makes me aware of the presence of deer, ghosting through the trees.  My fingers touching the bark of an old friend, an old oak, I can feel the years of its growth, its songs and its stories. Listening to the waves of the North Sea lapping upon the shingle beach, I can hear the songs of my ancestors.

Like all things, I’ve simply learned to adapt my sensitivity and to avoid situations where I become overloaded.  Large cities are difficult for me, so I tend to stay away from them.  Cinemas are far too loud and so, if there a movie I must see in the cinema and cannot wait for the dvd or television release, I bring earplugs.  Similarly, I can use those earplugs when at the garden centre, though they seem to have toned down on their visual displays since I last contacted them.

I see my sensitivity as a blessing.  I can smell winter approaching. I can feel the point when the sun has set past the horizon.  I can stroke my cat’s fur in full awareness.  Work with the gifts that you are given.  Nothing is great and glorious, everything has a shadow side. Learning that the shadow is not something negative is truly freeing and enabling.