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Eulogy for Caia

One of my best friends passed over to the other side today.

Friends can come in all shapes and sizes, and she was particularly beautiful.  A grey Egyptian Mau cat, with long legs and the cutest pointy mouse face when she got excited.  She was nearly 13, and had developed tumours in her belly and intestine.  She hadn’t been able to eat for days, and so we had to do the right thing by her, and not allow her to starve to death. The vet came over this morning and, as she was sleeping on her favouite chair in a sunbeam in the conservatory after many, many cuddles, he put her to sleep – she passed away within seconds.

It’s hard to see a loved one become ill, and harder to let them go.  There is a special bond, I find, with cats that no other relationship can compare.  I find that cats love us not out of need, but because they want to – they choose to.  I have known cats who left their homes and went elsewhere where they were better taken care of, or where they were able to love the people they lived with on their own terms.  Cats most definitely are independent and strong, but can also be the most loving and steadfast friends one can ever have.

Caia loved her cuddles, but she was also content to simply share space with me.  That feeling of companionship, where no words were needed, when it was simply enough to just sit on the sofa side by side and breathe.  We would go for a walk around the garden together and then sit down and watch the sunset.  She loved it when we went outside – she often greeted us and inspected our gardens with us, or supervising us when we were hard at work in them.

She was a fast cat – the grey streak we called her when that was all that we could see dashing across the lawn.  Luckily for the birds, frogs, mice and voles that she caught she didn’t have any teeth left, and so they were released back into the garden, albeit a little soggy.

She was the most beautiful cat I had ever seen. All our neighbours knew her and commented on her striking grey coat with black spots.  She would sit in our neighbour’s workshop at the bottom of his garden when he was doing his wordwork, sleeping on a chair by the door while he made the most wonderful things.  She liked to keep people company  – she often sat on their deck as well and hung out with them.

There is truly something special about  a relationship where there is no need, no want.  Yes, of course she needed a good home, food and shelter and love like we all do. But simply sitting with another being, whether that is cat, tree, mountain or husband, when no words are needed, when nothing is desired, when there is no grasping, no demands – that is where our souls can truly touch each other, in pure and perfect relationship.

Caia was a great friend and I was truly honoured to have shared in a good part of her life.  She will be sorely missed by my husband, myself and our other cat, Kiri.  She was a proud and regal boo, one moment gazing loftily at her garden domain, the other moment all kittenish and playing.  There was a special bond created between us that was not born out of need, but out of love.  Soul to soul we touched each other’s lives, and for that I am ever grateful.

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Working with Kindness

Many religions and spiritualities the world over teach that kindness and compassion is the way to live your life in order the create harmony and peace not only for yourself, but for the rest of the world.  This is a form of service, which I think may be lacking in much of modern paganism.  It is in the service to others where we truly shine.  The Sisterhood of Avalon states it beautifully in a triad – service to the self, service to the Sisterhood and service to the Goddess.  Like most things, it starts from within and then spreads to the wider community and the world at large.  Sadly, perhaps due to the growing number of self-help books and various psychologies, this service tends to stop at the self.  Instant gratification in our capitalist society combined with living in relative ease can allow complacency in our lives and in our minds.  We can become grasping even, wanting to be healed, looking for that one thing or one person who will heal us, as we have been taught my marketing campaigns the world over.  Me, me me. I, I, I.

There seems to be a great need for healing in the world today.  Paganism embraces this healing with open arms, honouring it in all its various forms.  We are often told that we must first heal ourselves before we can heal others. In this, I very much agree.  It’s often the hardest thing to heal yourself – focusing on others is much easier than coming face to face with your own pain, grief, demons or shadow self.  However, we can become too engrossed in looking inwards that we forget to look outwards as well.  Too much self-awareness and not enough external awareness.  It can even border on or become egocentric.

The key here I believe lies in kindness.  Through these last few months, when the darkness of winter takes hold and we are gifted with the time and space to reflect, we can look at how we can be kind to ourselves.  This is the best thing we can do for ourselves in terms of our own healing.  It is easier to forgive others for hurting us, or causing us stress, grief or pain than it is to forgive ourselves for doing things that we regret.  Yet we must look at ourselves in the same light as we do others and be able to forgive ourselves in order to move the service from self to others, through the act of love and kindness.  This is our service to our self.

We have to be aware of our edges – we must create boundaries so that when we allow kindness to flow through us we have an awareness that not everyone will be kind in return.  This is not a shutting down or closing off of the soul to others – it is simply being prepared.  Like meeting a strange dog or cat for the first time, we are unsure as to how they will react, and so we proceed with caution.  We still show compassion and love and try to help them should they need it in any way possible. We will also do all that we can to prevent being bitten. This is our service to others.

I have been too open – I have not guarded my boundaries as well as I should have. I have loved freely and been bitten on the ass in return.  I have learned to use boundaries to let me help myself and to help others.  In Brian Froud’s latest faery oracle card deck, there is a card that I drew called The Lady of Faith.  She wears a helmet and shoulder armour, but her breast is bare of armour and she is leaning towards something with a hand to her heart.  This card shows that we must protect ourselves but still allow our hearts to move us in kindness and compassion.

I recently saw a documentary on Phil Robertson, of Duck Dynasty fame about how he transformed his life through his religion and coming to know God and Jesus.  While we may not share the same religious points of view we can agree that it all comes down to kindness.  He described when he was making a living fishing on the river and other “river rats” would come and steal from his nets.  After he had found Jesus, he worked with the idea of kindness and so, when he caught them stealing again, offered them the fish freely.  They took it and responded to his kindness by never stealing from him again.  Phil stated that he will act towards all things with kindness, but still carry a shotgun in case all things weren’t kind to him.

This is very similar to a Zen Buddhist story, where a monk is sitting and praying in his cave high on the mountaintop. A thief comes upon him and threatens him. The monk looks at the thief and states that if he wanted his possessions so badly, feeling he had to threaten and steal them, then he would freely give them if that was his need.  The thief left bewildered and the monk sat outside, looking up at the moon.  “If only I could have given him this beautiful moon”, he said. (Some argue that the monk should have done a Phil Roberston and had a shotgun as well, but that doesn’t fit in with the peaceful and non-violent ideals that the monk held to.)

Living to our ideals, exploring our shadow aspects (those aspects of the soul that we fear, that we loathe, that we deny) and giving back to the world results naturally in leading the way to the further service to the gods.  We dedicate our lives to kindness and compassion with full awareness and in doing so, reflect the true nature of not only our being, but of being.  For me, the gods that I follow all have an aspect of peace and kindness that we can find in their stories to inspire us along our own life’s journey.  Tyr, most often seen as a god of war and justice, to me also represents kindness to animals and loyalty as when he fed the wolf, Fenris, when no one else would.  Nehelennia, the goddess of the North Sea rages and leaves us with a fresh world – sometimes battered but ever inspired by the impermanence of all things.  Morrighan heals after the battles and rejuvenates after the blood is spilled.  Nemetona teaches of boundaries as well as love and peace.  In this I have dedicated myself to learning and being open to the awen of their songs.

Through coming into our own true potential, we are better able to serve ourselves, our community and our gods.  The key to it all is through kindness.  How very simple, how often this message had been repeated over thousands of years. How easy it is to forget in today’s society.  Yet when we open ourselves to the possibilities and let kindness lead us in our actions, peace and harmony are a natural result.

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Taking a Step Back…

Looking back on the last five years, it has been an incredible experience and a serious learning curve for me.  Diving into the priesthood, holding ceremonies, handfastings, baby namings, funerals, and nature reserve blessings just to name a few, alongside the teaching has made it a very busy and very productive time.  Writing books and articles as well as running my dance company has sometimes made it overwhelming, however I am so very glad to have had the opportunity to work with so many wonderful people.

This is a note to say that in 2014 I will be taking a step back from my external duties as a Druid priest in order to further my own studies, diving into deep Druidry, questing the awen.  I will not be taking any bookings for ceremonial work nor taking on any students.  I hope to write and release more books, blogs and articles for publication, as well as attend festivals and go on pilgrimage to various places across these blessed isles.  I seek time in solitude for reflection and rejuvenation and I sincerely hope that you all will understand where it is that I am coming from.

If you have ceremonial or ritual work coming up that you require a celebrant for, please let me know and I can refer you to those priests with whom I have worked or have known and which are held in good steading in the community. It is with every intention that I return to my external priestly duties in the future.

I would like to thank you all so much for allowing me to be a part of your life and many, many blessings to you all!

May all our journeys be blessed; may we be the awen.

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Review: Elen of the Ways and The Celtic Chakras

Below are my two reviews for Elen of the Ways, and The Celtic Chakras, both by Elen Sentier, a fellow author with Moon Books.  You can pick up a copy of these books from either the Moon Books website, http://www.moon-books.net, or from Amazon.

elen of the ways

Elen Sentier’s Elen of the Ways is a book full of information on this elusive antlered goddess.  She provides us with background and history as well as practical exercises to journey to meet with Her, showing us this native deity in all Her glory.  It deepens our connection to the land, and allows us to know our wilder selves, oftentimes hidden deep within.  It breaks down the perceived boundaries between the worlds, and brings you up close and personal with this goddess of the boreal forest.  She is Within and She is Without – take your first steps upon the path to meeting Her, follow Her trods, the forest beckons…

Elen Sentier’s Celtic Chakras intrigued me – I have worked with the Eastern tradition of chakras for many years, and seeing this interpretation of the concept was refreshing and interesting.  I really liked the spiral concept of chakra energy, radiating from the heart centre that reflects the spiral so common a Celtic motif.  It also reflected some of the Tantric teachings of flow, how it moves up and through and then back and down, as opposed to movement from the base chakra to the crown only.  As a Pagan Portals book from Moon Books, it is a good, short introduction to the Celtic Chakras, which can be further explored on one’s own. I look forward to Sentier’s other works!

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Rhine River

In case you’re wondering why it’s been so quiet here, it’s because I’ve been cruising down the Rhine River! See photos on my public Facebook page here:

https://www.facebook.com/joanna.vanderhoeven?ref=tn_tnmn#!/pages/Joanna-van-der-Hoeven-Autumn-Song/276081102408996?fref=ts

 

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Baby steps to saving the world

A world of yes…

Nimue Brown's avatarDruid Life

With the latest reports on climate change making it clear that we are in trouble and it is the fault of our species, there’s a lot of misery and powerlessness floating about online. Other People aren’t going to listen. Other People won’t act. Governments won’t do anything and too many Other People don’t care, or disbelieve or refuse to live differently. You know who the Other People are – they’re the ones with the real power, whose actions make a genuine difference.

What this does, between the gloom and doom and the idea that only someone else can fix it, is keep us in that most dangerous of mind sets: Keeping calm and carrying on. That is suicide.
So let’s take a case in point. Disposable plastic shopping bags are not necessary, we know this because for most of history, people managed perfectly well without them. That’s a huge resource…

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Equinox poem

A brilliant Equinox poem…

Kevin Emmons's avatarThe Animist Druid

Here is a simple poem about accepting change. As we slide into the dark half of the year, and my feeling my age, this was a good meditation. I feel so blessed to live here in Maine in this beautiful Saco River Valley.

The Apple

Grey Mabon morning
Plants hang low, heavy with raindrops
Leaves bow silently under baptismal sky
Yet, red fruit hangs unrepentant, firm and ripe
Shamelessly displaying its hold of sunlight

The stem calls out, “hold me”
The sepal seductively beckons one to, “touch me”
The skin, urgent with need, commands, “taste me”

Coded with the eternal,
The apple celebrates its undoing

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The Experiment

So, unbeknownst to anyone, even my husband, I’ve been conducting a little experiment on myself.  For the last three months, I have avoided all media that might make me think pessimistically about my body image. It’s been quite a revelatory experience.

This experiment was to see just how much the media played a role in my own self-image. I really didn’t think it did, thinking that I was fairly self-aware and also conscious of marketing and advertising schemes, campaigns, gimmicks, etc. What I found out was that no one is immune.  Least of all myself.

I don’t buy fashion magazines, but I did buy Shape, a women’s fitness magazine for a while, and stopped for this experiment.  At offices I avoided flipping through any magazines in order to maintain the integrity of the experiment.  I have not watched television adverts – I’ve been sticking to BBC mostly, and all my television is recorded anyway, for the two or three programs that we do watch, so any adverts can be fast-forwarded.  I don’t watch television shows that have actors “made up”. It’s a good thing I don’t watch much television anyway – my shows have pretty much been Escape to the Country and The Hairy Bikers cooking shows.  I haven’t gone to the movies, and have avoided adverts there as well. I haven’t been in big cities with billboards. I avoid looking at the right hand side of social media sites. I know there are probably hundreds of other ways that advertising may have snuck in, but I think I’ve been pretty vigilant.

I’ve never really had a poor self-image, especially when it came to my own body, but I’m not as confident as I was when I was younger.  With the years a couple of pounds have come on, a few wrinkles have appeared.  It’s inevitable.  But what made me lose that confidence?  People still tell me I’m attractive – but I didn’t believe them. I thought a) they were just being nice, or b) they just wanted to get in my pants, nevermind the mind/soul that came with it, or c) they were my husband, who would tell me that I’m beautiful if I was dragged through a hedge backwards wearing a potato sack and not having washed for weeks on end.

Well, dear readers, this has all changed.

I don’t know if it is because I know that I haven’t been exposed to the media, or whether it is a direct result of not being exposed, but at any rate I feel more beautiful and confident in my appearance than I have for many, many years.  I noticed a month ago that I was starting to dress differently – wearing things that reflected my own inner self (whatever the heck that is, if there is even an inner self).  Take today, for instance.  I work in an office environment a couple days a week for a music company, and so “office attire” is never all that strict.  Today, I am wearing ¾ length purple Aladdin trousers, knee length boots, and a crochet top, with leaf earrings and necklace in honour of autumn.  I’m wearing jewellery again, I am accessorising, I am thinking about what expresses my mood as a whole, which is something that I haven’t done for years.  You would have thought that being exposed to magazines would make you want to accessorise more, but no.  I was stuck in a rut.  The way I am presenting myself lately is different.  I feel prettier, therefore I am dressing prettier. Or at least in a way that I think is pretty!

When people pay me a compliment, I thank them, sincerely, instead of thanking them and not believing it.  When my husband tells me I’m sexy, I know it. When people tell me they love my clothes, I know they do, and I tell them which charity shops or fair trade places they came from.  I’m walking a little taller. I’m wearing my hair differently, trying out new things.  It’s been quite an eye opener.  I even got a compliment on my purple Aladdin pants.

So, why has this all happened?  I think it must have to do with people not telling me how I should look, dress or feel about myself.  As a teenager I didn’t have the financial means to buy the magazines, so I didn’t care and dressed how I wanted to dress.  I turned down a modelling agency who, at the time, wanted me to sign on with them if I lost weight (I was just over 5ft 8, and weighed 120 lbs).  I didn’t watch much television, preferring to hang out and talk with friends, or hike in the words.  I stuck up two fingers to anyone who tried to tell me what to wear, what to think about myself and revelled in exploring these things for myself. I’ve come full circle.

A friend of mine has a great story about one of the most beautiful people I know, on what she was wearing when they first met.  She says that E was wearing a tutu on a night out – no reason, she just wanted to wear a tutu. Not for a hen night, not for any other reason than wanting to wear a tutu.  Like young children in supermarkets, wearing fairy wings or Spiderman outfits, she was going to wear what she wanted to wear.  Her free spirit is infectious, and inspiring, and she is a joy to be around. She is completely guileless, unashamed and free.

More and more I am feeling that way too.  I would encourage you all to take up the challenge.  Avoid all media adverts, particularly those that have anything to do with how you look.  Take a long look at yourself, and at how you express yourself physically.  Go through your wardrobe – does your clothing reflect your joy in the world, your true self?  If you want to wear a tutu, what is stopping you? You might be amazed at how insidious the beauty and fashion industry is.

Set your self free.  I’m not waiting until I am old to wear purple.

Warning

“When I am an old woman I shall wear purple

With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me

And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves

And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter.

I shall sit down on the pavement when I’m tired

And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells

And run my stick along the public railings

And make up for the sobriety of my youth.

I shall go out in my slippers in the rain

And pick the flowers in other people’s gardens

And learn to spit.

 

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat

And eat three pounds of sausages at a go

Or only bread and pickle for a week

And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

 

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry

And pay our rent and not swear in the street

And set a good example for the children.

We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practise a little now?

So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised

When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.”

~ Jenny Joseph ~