ego

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Rise in Druidry

There is a marked increase in the rise people who follow a Druid path and, indeed, all Pagan paths. Why should this be?

In today’s society, we can become so distanced from nature that we feel we need to do something to return to it; something that will connect us once again with the rhythms and flows of life.  However, this separation is in itself an illusion that we have created, for we can never be separate as long as we are living and breathing in this world. By mere fact of our existence, by the breath that we share with all other beings on this planet, we have a shared existence and a shared experience. We are never disconnected; we are never truly alone.

The illusion can be very convincing though.  It is supported with lifestyles and gadgets that seem to help fund the energy of the illusion.  We commute to work on a train with hundreds of people and feel lonely, as everyone is reading a paper, on their phones or listening to their music, shutting out everyone else. For some highly sensitive individuals, this is even a self-preservation technique.  We have mobile phones that can connect us with thousands of people anytime, anywhere (apparently) and yet we have very little human interaction with most of them.  We live in smaller and smaller family units where interaction with grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles is ever decreasing for whatever reason – time, distance, etc.

Paganism and Druidy in particular can serve to address this need to reconnect, illusion or no.  It can offer us a group of like-minded people who share certain worldviews, or who like to perform ritual a certain way, or support environmental or political causes alongside their spirituality.  It may be discussion groups and forums, moots, talks, workshops, camps and retreats that we share and find inspiration in.  It is looking for that connecting thread that says we are part of a tribe.

With so many technological advances, someone might be drawn to Druidry to get away from their machines, the hum of electricity and the constant noise in an attempt to return to the natural cycles that are reflected in our environment.  Some may be called by poetry of the Romantics, or through historical references or self-actualization.  Some may be following their blood lineage of a Celtic heritage, others might feel called by the land upon which they live and use Druidry as the language with which to communicate.

For me personally, the draw to Druidry was in its simplicity. There are so many forms of Druidry, some highly ceremonial, some more ‘mud and blood’.  It is to the latter, the experiential Druidry, the simple but not simplistic view of the world and its rhythms and cycles that calls me further in.  With no need for magical spells or intricate ceremonies, no regalia or ritual items necessary, just plain and simple communion and communication with nature is what called me.  A fondness and easy way with animals and plants almost made the choice for me. Service to the land, the ancestors and the community is the key tenet of my practice, in that order.

More and more, people are choosing to follow a nature-based spirituality.  Their reasons may be legion, but love of nature is at the very heart.  For me, to be a Druid means not only a love of nature, but service to nature, to the world. We cannot take with abandon – we must give back. We must work hard to protect the things we love from our ever increasingly secular society and its rampant technological advances that do not take into consideration the impact on the rest of the world and indeed, the bigger picture. It is about seeing the sanctity and the sacredness in all things, using the language of Druidry to help us relate.

Druidry is all about the bigger picture. It is about our legacy and what we will leave to our ancestors of the future. It is learning from the past and living fully in the present, mindful of how we live and how we love. It is an ever evolving tradition that works with the talent and energy of the individual in service to the whole.

With the rise of numbers in Druidry, we need to remember this service to the world.  It is not only something for us, but something for the entire planet. We do not practice Druidry for our selves, but for the benefit of all.  This is not altruistic, merely an outcome of service to the land.  In service we grow in our selves, not the other way around. We must look deep within to find our reasons for our Druidry, taking a long hard look at our selves. We must also remember to look outside our selves to the world at large.

We practice, we work, we serve, we step back and regroup in order to practice, to work and to serve. It is a cycle that is represented in the seasons, in the life cycles of everything around us.  It is the awen. It is courage. It is Druidry.

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Beware the Green-Eyed Monster…

Social media can be a very good thing. It’s good at getting the word out, or for sharing ideas. It can also be a place where we can feel inadequate, where jealous feelings of other’s lives can creep into our thinking and affect how we live.

First of all we must remember that what we see online is not the 100% truth.  What people post on Facebook or Twitter or any other media or forum is not the whole enchilada. We look up someone on Facebook who doesn’t post anything negative, has beautiful photos and deep insights and feel that we are inadequate in our own lives.  What we have to remember is that this is simply a portrayal of a person and not the person themselves. To know the person, we must know them in person, spend a lot of time with them and connect, soul to soul. You can’t do that on a computer in my opinion. You can find a lot of commonalities with what you both have decided to put out there, however it is not the big picture.

Jealousy is an interesting beast.  What causes it? More often than not, it is through experiences that we have gone through that reflect upon our current and future situations.  Something may have happened to us in the past, an emotional pain that casts its pall over everything.  If we are jealous of what we perceive to be someone’s great life on the internet, what is it that is making us jealous? What is causing feelings of inadequacy, or anger, or resentment? Could it be someone in your past that you didn’t live up to, or dreams that you haven’t fulfilled, failings that have been brought to light?  Do they reflect our inner demons, perhaps of low self-esteem or external validation?

Catch yourself the next time you feel jealousy creeping in. Examine it. Why are you jealous? What is the root cause? It is not the person causing the feelings but your own inner self. Why should that be? The person is not the root of the problem – what’s happening in the mind is.  We cannot blame other people’s lives for our feelings of jealousy for they all stem from within.

Wouldn’t it feel better if we let go of these jealous feelings? What if we celebrated others’ successes instead of wallowing in inadequacy? What if we realised that others’ lives are not a reflection of our own? What if we stepped outside our narrow worldview, our egocentric perspective and honoured others for being what they are? The world does not revolve around you, so why persist in these feelings?

Letting go of jealousy is hard. It requires a lot of investigation into the darker regions of the mind but it is well worth it.  We can lead happier, more satisfying and positive lives when we are aware of the green-eyed monster and lay it to rest. So, the next time you are on Facebook and think “my life sucks compared to hers/his” remember, not only are you not seeing the bigger picture; you are also not seeing your self.

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Looking inwards

“Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.” -Henry David Thoreau

As I have begun my journey into the descent of both the self and the dark half of the year, thoughts and feelings have arisen which require acknowledgement. It has often been said that those thoughts that we are unaware of, control us. Quite.

Just as we are not our jobs, our familial roles or any other singular label, so too are we not our past, nor our future. We can only be our present.  All too often I have beat myself up about what I have done in the past. After a couple of months of looking inwards and discovering these thought patterns, I have realised that I have to let go of what I thought of myself in the past.

In the past I have been selfish. In the past I have done things I am not proud of. However, that does not mean that I am selfish now, or that I will do these things again, now or in the future.  What happened does not define me in the present moment so much as inform me of how I got here. I am only the person I am now, typing up this blog post trying to make sense of the self and how it works.

It is a season for letting go and so, every time I have a thought on how I have failed, I remind myself that this was something that happened in the past and, in truth, is not who I am now. It is extremely liberating, and enables me to be the best person I can be right now, as opposed to living in destructive and judgemental behaviour about what I have done.  I can certainly be critical of things, looking at them with detachment and learning from it, however no condemnation can be made because it no longer exists.  Often in Zen we hear of teachers asking students who bring up past faults and issues “Yes, but where is this now?”  Baffled, the student cannot answer, for it does not exist in the present moment. They are memories and lessons learned. They existed in the past. They inform us of the future.

Sometimes the best thing to do is to lose that sense of self in order to be able to look inwards critically.  Putting aside the ego and simply seeing thoughts for what they are is extremely difficult. The ego jostles for attention at any possible chance, with thoughts of “I am this” or comparisons to other people, opinions on the world at large and a deep-seated fear of annihilation. When we put all these aside we are simply left with our own personal truth.

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Reblog from Moon Books – Authenticity vs Validity

Reblogged from my blog at Moon Books – http://moon-books.net/blogs/moonbooks/authenticity-v-validity/#comment-5159

I remember, quite a few years ago now, reading Ronald Hutton’s Triumph of the Moon. I had always known, vaguely, that modern paganism was just that – modern.  After reading that book, and finding out just how modern most of our rituals and celebrations are, I had a bit of a religious crisis.  I was having a really hard time coming to terms with the fact that the spiritual path I was following was essentially made up by two guys in the 1950’s and 60’s.

For a couple of weeks I toiled with this issue, until it finally dawned on me that all religions, at some point, were made up by some people.  Simply because someone made it up 200, 2,000 or 20,000 years ago didn’t make it any more valid. I realised that authenticity did not equal validity.

There was no way of tracing pagan roots back to what we would imagine to be a more “pagan time”  – ie. for most this would be before Christianity.  Paganism didn’t write or record much down in words, though we can catch remnant in snatches of old folk songs, rhymes and the like.  If our paganism is inspired by an even older spirituality, such as our Neolithic ancestors, then certainly we have no written records – a few artefacts, burial mounds and sacred sites to draw inspiration on, but nothing of their words to live by. We still do not know, and can never be certain, what they actually believed, how they lived their lives and how they communed with their gods, if any. We can only speculate.

And so, two men, Gerald Gardner and Ross Nichols pieced together a spirituality as best they could, after looking into folk traditions and seeking inspiration from the natural world itself.  This evolved into what is recognised as Wicca and Druidry today.  These paths are not hundreds of years old, though they have been inspired by older traditions.  This does not invalidate them in any way.

I would personally have a harder time believing in the validity of someone’s path who told me that they were following a “thousands year old British tradition” than someone who told me that they made up their own spiritual path.  Why? Because the need for justification of a tradition bothers me – why do we need to justify our paths?  Our good Druid friend, Iolo Morganwg, made up a lot of stuff when he couldn’t find any reference to it a couple of hundred years ago, and yet the stuff that he made up has great resonance and beauty for some druids.  Yes, he passed it on as “real”, and was only caught out fairly recently in his forgeries, however they still remain beautiful and meaningful forgeries nonetheless for many.  It bothers me that he felt the need to forge these documents, but it doesn’t make his tradition any less valid for himself and others with whom it inspires. The question of lying about the authenticity of a tradition is what invalidates it for many.

Why do we feel the need to authenticate a religion or spiritual path before we embark upon it?  Does this have anything to do with the Age of Enlightenment vs the Age of Reason? Why should one be more valid than the other, simply because it has hard facts that it can draw upon?

A religious and spiritual path is such a personal thing, that I find it hard to believe that any one path is good for more than one person.  We can certainly be inspired by it, but the path must be walked by us, and us alone – no one else can do it for us.  Buddha said “Be a light unto thyself”.  We have to find our own ways of communing, our own relationship with the world in order for it to make full sense to our hearts, bodies, minds and souls.  Oftentimes the words and teachings of others can come close, and yet they are still not quite as personal as a one to one relationship.

Protestants have a more personal relationship with God, for the most part, than Catholics when it comes down to it.  That in an inherent part of Protestantism, one that is explored and made quite poignant in Arthur Miller’s The Crucible.    Protestantism placed a great emphasis on personal, individual reading of the Bible, thereby increasing the personal relationship with God – no other could really do that for you.  Sadly, within history and especially after the birth of Calvinism, fundamentalism became de rigeur.

How much of our paganism today is influenced by this Protestant way of thinking? It’s hard to tell, but it’s not something I have a problem with.  I like the idea of everyone having to find their own personal relationship with God, or a god, or goddess, or the spirits of place, their ancestors or the three worlds of land, sea and sky.  This idea is, of course, not solely attributed to Protestantism (remember Buddha’s quote?) but it is one of the more recent religious institutions in the UK, of which we are currently exploring the legacy.

How far back the tradition of personal relationship with deity goes is, to me, of no consequence.  It’s nice to have historical authenticity, but it does not a spirituality make.  It is within the personal relationship with whatever it is that you are communing with, and which changes you, inspires you or moves you that is really what matters in this life.  Whether you pray using a prayer that is a thousand years old, or one that you made up on the spot, it is in the feeling and intent behind it that matters most, not in the words themselves.  It must connect you with what it is you are trying to reach, else what is the point?

So, to all those out there who are making it up as they go along, who find spiritual validity in what they do, I give a hearty hail!  To those whose find the words of others resonate deeply within their soul, and blend their historic traditions with personal experience, again I give a hearty hail!  Life is too short to follow a path simply because others have trodden it – we can learn from that path, but ultimately it is we who are doing the walking, no one else, and in that is our own validity and personal experience found and blessing us along the way.

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Fear of Ageing

Having recently just turned 39, my thoughts lately have been turning to our society’s views on ageing.  Ageing is something that we must fight, if you listen to all the women’s toiletries marketing ploys.  Combat ageing, they say, with their Miracle Defense Cure (incidentally, I did a search on how many products contain the word “defense” in their name for creams, lotions and potions, and it was staggering…) and you will be young forever, for young is beautiful.

Now, I don’t know about you, and can’t speak for the masses, but I don’t want to look like a twelve year old girl.  Most models in fashion magazines are under 16 years of age.  They wouldn’t even be able to afford the clothes that they are modelling for the older, more affluent women who buy said magazines.  Billboards and television advertisements show us young women all the time, for everything from cosmetics to kitchens.  We have ingrained in our minds that young is beautiful, and have it reinforced each and every day.

I have recently heard that young women are also shaving themselves completely, removing all pubic hair. Why, I have absolutely no idea, but this only reiterates our new obsession with youth – they may state for hygienic or fashion purposes, but the fact of the matter remains – they still will end up looking like pre-pubescent girls.  Not terribly sexy, in my opinion.

Why do we have such a fear of ageing? Why do we consider youth to be so beautiful, at least for the human race?  Many humans see beauty in older things, such as a 500 year old tree, or a 1,000 year old cathedral. Here in the UK, the ideal home in the country would be something reminiscent of a house built in the 1600 – 1800’s.  Old, at least for some things, is aesthetically pleasing. Why not for the human body as well?

We do not venerate the old in our society; it is not an achievement anymore to reach old age, what with the wonders of modern medicine.  Old people are a burden to those still earning money, getting in the way until they are put in homes.  We do not look after our elderly anymore, but pay others to do it for us.  Out of sight, out of mind.  We fear ageing, we do not want to have to deal with it.  It’s a sickening, maddening cycle, for we will all age. It’s the one thing that we cannot avoid at any cost.  The diet industry might lose us as customers once we’ve lost the desired weight, but there’s no stopping the ageing process, and manufacturers know this, licking their lips in anticipation of our progress down the linear track of time.

Ageing for a man is still, as far as I can observe, less of a fear than for a woman.  Men with grey hair are sexy. Women with grey hair are not.  Distinguished, people say of men with grey hair.  What of women?  Personally, I cannot wait to have grey hair, or white even – I love the colour.  But society disagrees with me, and sells us harmful chemicals to put on our heads to cover up those grey hairs.  As women live longer than men, on the whole, why do they fear ageing even more?

The loss of youth equals the loss of beauty.  We need to change our perception of that in order to alleviate our fears.  It’s a silly fear in the first place, as nothing we can do will prevent it from happening.  And yet, women all over the world go under the knife to have surgery, or injections, or pay exorbitant amounts of money on products that don’t really do anything.  Why, for the love of the goddess, why?

Fear is such a grand motivator in all things.  We must embrace our fear, as we must embrace our ageing.  What is it that we fear about ageing? For some, it might be the fear of being cast aside, of not being a “productive” member of society – what will I do in retirement? For others, it means coming to terms with their own mortality.  I know that after meditating on this for some time, my personal fear is the loss of beauty – until I realised that beauty does not come with an age limit.  I look around me and find inspiration in all things beautiful and realise just how limiting it is to think of beauty in terms of age.  Step outside the human mindset and watch your world expand.

Watching my face and body change is now no longer depressing – it’s interesting, and a little exciting.  My curves are softer, my breasts larger.  I have cellulite on my thighs.  I have wrinkles on my cleavage.  Little lines around my eyes.  My hands show the hours of work that I have put them to.  My days of sunshine and laughter shown in freckles and wrinkles.  Tattoos mark life transitions, and will look amazing no matter what age I get, as they will change with my body.  Scars show life’s trials and tribulations. All these are a part of my self, and denying these, hating these, is hating myself. What a bloody waste of time.

If society tells me that I should fear ageing, I shall stick up two fingers to it and tell them to bugger off.  I’m more afraid of war, nuclear waste, fracking and the poor badgers who are being culled than I am of ageing.  I no longer fear ageing full stop. To hell with their distractions – there are so much more important things to be doing that standing in front of a mirror looking at a wrinkle or two.

I adored my youth, and have many, many fond memories of it.  Growing up in a beautiful part of the world, loving a beautiful boy for the first time, learning to play music and sing, to roam and find personal freedom.  I am also adoring my “middle years”, whatever that may mean.  Each and every day is precious, and so I will be thankful for them.  There is no battle to be fought, there is no war to be won on ageing.  Time is time, and cares not whether you try out your best wrinkle defense cream.  Be like time, and care not about that which you cannot alter. Don’t go with the flow, but be the flow itself.  Live, love and be happy, free of the fear that society tells you that you should have.  Stand tall and proud, grey hairs and saggy breasted, and know that you are goddess, that you are beautiful, if you only allow yourself to be.

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Four Mantras for Good Relationship

Vietnemese Zen Buddhist monk, Thich Nhat Hanh recently spoke in a live webstream from Plum Village (the community he set up in France) about many things, one of which really struck a chord with me about relationships.  He has produced four mantras which help us to learn compassion for each other, and to better open up lines of communication, which is key to any relationship. The four mantras are:

  • Darling, I’m here for you.
  • Darling, I know you are there…and I’m so happy you are there.
  • Darling, I know you suffer…that is why I am here for you.
  • Darling, I suffer – I am trying my best to practice. Please help me.

The first mantra, “Darling, I’m here for you” demonstrates that the other is not alone in this world. Indeed, we are never alone – the idea of being alone is one that has hounded us ever since we made the mind/body disconnection.  The rationalists and the materialists have argued this one thoroughly, so I won’t go into it here, but suffice it to say that within most branches of paganism, the mind are body are thought of as connected.  That being said, through our bodies we are all connected to every other thing on this planet – we contain minerals in our blood that are found in stars, we breathe the air our ancestors breathed, we are all held down by gravity.  There can be no separation in the truest sense.  Our current lives lead us to believe that there is separation – could this simply be a marketing ploy, to divide and conquer?  Something to think about later… but I digress.  When we say “Darling, I’m here for you” we are putting the needs of another ahead of our own, as well as showing them that they are not alone.  In today’s society, that can be and is a great gift that we can give to others.

The second mantra, “Darling, I know you are there, and I am so happy you are there” shows us the joy that others give us, simply by sharing this journey is life.  It is a simple recognition of another soul, which again in today’s society can be so lacking. We lead such virtual and busy lives that speaking these words can reconnect us to the one that means so much to us.  We take so many things for granted, and we should never, ever take our loved ones for granted.  We must remind ourselves each and every day how wonderful it is to have these people in our lives. Allowing ourselves to feel the joy in having someone in our life is another gift, and when we express that joy, that joy spreads throughout the world.

The third mantra, “Darling, I know you suffer, that is why I am here for you” enables us to feel compassion for others in our lives, to show them that we see that they suffer.  So often people feel that they are suffering alone, and when we acknowledge the suffering of others, we immediately have more compassion for them, whether they are our loved ones or not. Everyone is fighting their own battles.  This changes not only our worldview, but changes the perception of those whom we are trying to connect to. Simply listening to someone, truly listening to them, is a great aspect of this mantra.  So often we are not listened to – we are often heard, but is anyone really listening? To give your full heart and attention when someone is trying to connect with you, or vice versa, is key to any relationship.

The fourth mantra, “Darling, I suffer – I am trying my best to practice. Please help me” is perhaps the hardest one to fulfil.  So often our egos get in the way that we simply cannot ask for help, let alone allow others to see our suffering.  How many times have you “suffered in silence”? Why do we do this?  Sometimes, when a loved one has upset us, and then they ask us “What is wrong?” our immediate response is “Nothing,” filled with anger, fear and tension.  They know that something is wrong, but we refuse to tell them in an attempt to punish them for hurting us.  If we allow that hurt to express itself, it will not linger and communication can open up in order to find a resolution.  If we simply answered the question, without judgement or anger, we might be able to see the other side.  We must admit to others that they have upset us, and we must do our best not to let our anger get control. We feel our anger, but we do not attach to it. By not attaching to it, we can talk about it with greater compassion and find greater healing.  We do our best to practice.  When we ask for help, we are putting aside our egos and allowing that other person in.  It’s not easy, but it does change everything. So often our anger is based on a misperception, and allowing the room for that perception to be corrected gives us greater scope for compassion in the world today.

These four mantras are changing the way that I relate to others, I feel in a truly positive and beneficial way for everyone.  For that, I am truly thankful!

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Living with Right Speech

From Lammas, the first harvest, to the Spring Equinox, in my spirituality I focus on a specific aspect of the Buddhist Eightfold path – Right Speech.  For every one of the eight pagan festivals, I have corresponded a part of the Eightfold path, finding a great blending of the two traditions together (see my book, Zen Druidry, for more details http://www.moon-books.net/books/pagan-portals-zen-druidry).  To me, at this time of year when the Celtic peoples gathered together to celebrate the harvest, participate in games and competitions, wedding ceremonies and such, considering how to converse and behave appropriately was paramount in order for the tribe to thrive and meet other tribes without violence or bloodshed.  I see this paralleled in the Eastern concept of Right Speech.

So, what do we mean when we speak of Right Speech?  The concept of right speech involves four elements; abstaining from false speech, abstaining from slanderous speech, abstaining from harsh speech and abstaining from idle chatter.  For the Buddhist, this shows the sacredness of speech, and gives us a framework within which we can work towards more compassionate and thoughtful speech.

Here is a quote taken from The Secular Buddhist:

“The Buddha divides right speech into four components: abstaining from false speech, abstaining from slanderous speech, abstaining from harsh speech, and abstaining from idle chatter. Because the effects of speech are not as immediately evident as those of bodily action, its importance and potential is easily overlooked. But a little reflection will show that speech and its offshoot, the written word, can have enormous consequences for good or for harm. In fact, whereas for beings such as animals who live at the preverbal level physical action is of dominant concern, for humans immersed in verbal communication speech gains the ascendency. Speech can break lives, create enemies, and start wars, or it can give wisdom, heal divisions, and create peace. This has always been so, yet in the modern age the positive and negative potentials of speech have been vastly multiplied by the tremendous increase in the means, speed, and range of communications. The capacity for verbal expression, oral and written, has often been regarded as the distinguishing mark of the human species. From this we can appreciate the need to make this capacity the means to human excellence rather than, as too often has been the case, the sign of human degradation.” http://www.thesecularbuddhist.com/nep_04.php

Living in such a verbal society, we must take extra special care of our words, both verbal and written.  It is an increasingly difficult thing to do, in my opinion, when we are living “virtual lives” more and more with the internet.  We have an “online presence” as much as our real physical presence.  It is up to the individual how closely the two are related.

What we say, both physically in face to face encounters, as well as in a virtual community or forum may have varying degrees of impact, dependent upon who is actually listening.  The fact of the matter remains – whether it is virtual or physical, there is an impact.  For someone to be cruel to another person online could have devastating consequences (as we have seen recently with the suicide of two teenagers bullied on a social media forum).  A person may be attacked by an online community, and feel no repercussions whatsoever.  In a face to face situation, the reverse might happen.  One thing remains – we are personally responsible for our own behaviour, for we cannot control the behaviour of others. We can lead by example, but underlying fundamental control of others is beyond our grasp.

I have been verbally attacked on social media forums, bullied and trolled.  As yet, it still does not get any easier with time.  I stand by the view that the internet is as much a tool for sensitive souls as it is abused by being a playground for trolls.  I do not think that sensitive souls should have to “toughen up” in order to be online or to deal with face to face encounters. I think that people should be responsible and culpable for their actions, whether virtual or real, and take others thoughts and feelings into consideration.

As a recent example, a friend of mine told me that there is now a new term in a couple of UK LRP (LARP) communities/systems which is replacing a previous term.  He finds this fascinating, as he loves studying etymology.  It is indeed food for thought!  The previous term within the community was “special snowflake”, something that people used to deride another person on the basis that snowflake in question thought of themselves as being unique, and therefore life should go according to their own terms on this basis.  The new term that has cropped up to replace this,  is “bluebell”.

Now, some of you may know of my decision to abstain from a particular company due to the reason that I cannot condone the fact that each spring they hold battles in woodland that is carpeted with the most brilliant bluebells.  For an in depth look at this, please see my previous post “ Druidry and Choices” here: https://downtheforestpath.wordpress.com/2013/06/04/druidry-and-choices/.  It would appear that some players have decided to take it upon themselves to take this particular subject and twist it around to insinuate that I was a “special snowflake”.  There was some agreement by players on a social media board, before it exploded and abuse and trolling were hurled by some members.  All I asked what if others felt the same way as I did about protecting what I saw as a beautiful woodland – I did not, in fact, want to change the system to suit my needs.

And so, the new term “bluebell” has been born to denote a self-centred, self-indulgent ignorant person who wants to have their own way as opposed to someone who loves and cares for the environment.  This was, in all honesty, quite hurtful for me to hear, and I wondered at the people who would twist such a simple stance to suit their own agenda.

Then it got me thinking.

So, why on earth would someone want to do such a thing?  The obvious response is that it makes them feel better about themselves by putting someone or something down.  I cannot know for certain, however that this is the case.  Looking at popular culture, however, would seem to indicate that this may, indeed be the way that things are heading.  Why? Because more and more we see people criticising others using derogatory terms.  Instead of discussion, debate and honest criticism, we see through television and other media people judging other people with harsher and harsher verbal terminology.  Just watch any “reality” television show where they have judges – how many judges simply put a value on a performance without becoming personal?  There is a growing trend for celebrity television judges to make it personal, to get people on their side, to appear “cool” or “funny”.  This is also the case in everyday life.

In our ever-growing faceless society, the need to “save face” is, ironically, coming to the fore.  With an unseen audience of who knows how many, we feel we have to witty and clever. (Yes, I do see the irony in putting this in an online blog).  For some, the easiest way to do this is by putting another person down – in essence, to be “bigger and more clever”.  Well, as the British saying goes – it’s not big and it’s not clever.

Having spoken to people in science based professional fields, there still seems that there is the ability for disagreement on a subject to occur within the professional sphere without someone feeling the need to act “big and clever”.  Of course, there are always exceptions, but generally debate is still held within certain bounds of respect and integrity that may be lacking in popular culture debates and interactions.  They are able to criticise things without being derogatory, something which I think is falling by the wayside in mainstream society.  I’m still mulling this one over, and your thoughts would be appreciated!

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – you don’t need to blow out someone else’s candle for yours to burn all the brighter.  We can use words and speech, whether online or offline to interact with each other respectfully.  In Zen, it is agreed that we cannot control the behaviour of others, and so to ponder why people do the things they do is, in fact, a bit of a waste of time.  But I still do wonder why people do the things they do – I can’t help it, and I’m working on it as much as I can – I’m no Buddha.  I find it easy to have pity for people, however, pity requires making a judgement call on their life which may or may not be true – ie. I pity someone because they must have such a dull life they have to hurt other people to make themselves feel better.  This isn’t right, I know.  What I should be doing is having compassion for people – compassion, unlike pity, requires a total lack of judgement on the individual’s part.

Compassion is both the easiest thing and the damned hardest thing in the world.  To learn the ways of compassion, one must first release the notion of the self, the ego that one clings to, in order to see that we are all related, that we are all connected – that there are no “special snowflakes” or even “bluebells” 🙂   There is no one to hurt and be hurt by.  We are all Buddhas.  By taking advice from Buddha’s Eightfold Path, we can learn how to live more compassionately.  By focusing this Lammastide on Right Speech, I hope to change my behaviour so that I may benefit the world and not just my own agenda.  Like racism, sexism and a host of other human ills, hateful speech is learned behaviour.  The good thing about that is that it can be unlearned.

Like I said, I’m working on it.

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Namaste

These past two months, and these last two weeks in particular, I have noticed an increase in disrespectful behaviour on several Facebook groups that I am a part of.  Some of these groups have absolutely nothing to do with each other, so there is no correlating theme that might suggest crossover between them. So what is causing people to behave so badly in a public forum?

Trolling and dishonourable behaviour has always plagued online discussions, due to the lack of face to face contact and the deterioration of basic social skills as a result of an increased virtual presence and virtual world.  One can very easily be rude to a faceless person, or a faceless mass – there is no real-time, real-life repercussions in most cases (barring those individuals who have been prosecuted for various internet related crimes and misdemeanours, such as bullying or trolling on gross levels, often involving minors).  It’s a sad state of affairs, and I fear for the future of social interaction in a world where people are addicted to their phones and other social media (yes, I spot the irony in an online blog, but bear with me) and are increasingly isolating themselves whilst under the illusion of always being connected.

People being rude for apparently no reason, people are trying to publicly shame another person or group, people for whom basic manners is all but lost, people with low self-esteem or any other number of issues that lead too poor behaviour.  But why this sudden increase lately?

I wonder whether it has something to do with the weather.  Here in Britain, in a climate that for the most part does not suffer the extremes that other countries deal with on a regular basis, when it is very hot or very cold there can be a rise in poor behaviour.  These past few weeks Britain has experienced a heat wave, which may have something to do with what is happening in these groups.  In Psychology Today, Amie Gordon states “in the summer, hotter weather was associated with being in a more negative mood. Heat is also associated with increased aggression. So when you find yourself feeling sad, grouchy, or wanting to punch someone in the middle of summer, try taking a weekend trip to somewhere cool.”  (For the full article, see http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/between-you-and-me/201301/sour-in-the-sun-3-unexpected-ways-weather-affects-your-mood).  Dr Joh Grohol wrote a in his online blog “Heat waves are related to more violent behavior and aggression,  may be associated with higher drug and alcohol abuse,  anxiety tends to decrease with a rise in temperatures,  depression and lowered mood tends to increase with a rise in temperatures, high levels of humidity — which often accompany a heat wave — lower concentration,  high humidity also increases sleepiness (probably related to poor sleep) and  high humidity also appears related to a lack of vigor and energy”  (http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2011/07/20/the-psychology-of-a-heat-wave).

Though we are not, and can never be, separate from external forces such as the weather, we are also highly equipped to deal with our emotions and behaviour through cultural and social standards, upbringing and self-discipline.  We are not slaves to these either, but can use them to help reinforce a positive world-view and to make this world a better place for all beings. It is entirely in our hands.

When we are engaging with the world, whether it is using an online presence or a physical face to face engagement, we have to remember that we are dealing with another soul.  This is a person who has thoughts and feelings, a history and a future, a journey in life that they are trying to complete perhaps as best they can.  It’s all too easy to forget this.  I am often reminded by the simple Hindu word/phrase, Namaste – my spirit honours your spirit.  (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Namaste). Keeping this in mind has helped me a great deal.

This is not to say that simple acceptance of bad behaviour should take place, that we cannot change the world, that you shouldn’t stand up for what you believe in – if you need to speak out on an issue, then you should, with honour and respect.  I have done so in the past, and indeed am currently doing so in this very blog.  Note that I have not named names, groups, or anything that would personally implicate another soul.  Instead, I am trying in my own little way to work through this issue, have my say and try to make the world a better place.

So, if you are ever tempted to belittle, degrade, shame another person, either in person or in an online forum, perhaps in the hopes of getting people to “your side” of the issue, remember that there are no sides, that there is no real need for this behaviour, no positive effect on the world at large.  Talk about it, talk it through with respect.  Love and compassion are key, and where two souls meet but cannot agree, then, with respect, bow and walk away.

Being kind is not difficult.

And if all else fails, find somewhere cool to think it through first. Namaste

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You Are Doing It Wrong…

bunneh powaIn my 20+ years of being a Pagan, I have met the most wonderful, inspiring people. I have also come across my fair share of people who seem to revel in trying to take other people down.  A lot of this, I’ve found, stems from the thinking that “you’re doing it wrong”.

For me, in anyone’s religion or spirituality, there is no right and wrong way of doing whatever inspires them, whatever heals their soul and whatever helps them to establish that connection with the songs of life.  I liken it to creating art, for it is an expression of one’s soul, one’s inspiration.  Would Da Vinci tell Jackson Pollack that he’s doing it wrong? Maybe, but both are equally an expression of the artist, both are equally art.  I must confess, I have in the past walked around art museums, seen a painting, and thought “I can do that – that’s not art”.  I’ve since seen the error of that thinking, and the divide that it creates.  Is a six-year old’s expression of a drawing of their mother any less worthy than a piece by Donatello? However, I digress.

Believing that there is only one way of doing things leads to all sorts of problems within the human psyche.  Out of that stems arrogance, division, and narrow-mindedness, just to name a few.  We would not have the wonders that we know today had everyone thought there was only one way of doing things.  We would not have a wealth of theologies from which to delve in and expand our human awareness, and awareness of the planet.  We would not have the wonders of the modern technological age.  We would not have impressionists, or the romantics.  We would not have haiku and sonnets.

The people that have inspired me have been those who have had the courage to follow their own path.  Figures in Druidry such as Emma Restall Orr (http://emmarestallorr.org) come to mind, people who couldn’t find what they needed to nourish their souls in what they found already existed, and so blended what mattered most to them with existing ideas, creating new ways of doing things.  Twenty years ago, Emma’s mud and blood approach to Druidry was unique, and she had her fair share of people telling her that she was “doing it wrong”, I’m sure.  Now, she is one of the most prolific writers and public figures in Druidry, inspiring millions with her approach, and making them find their own way through the forest.  It’s bloody marvellous.

I have seen some pagan groups or individuals put another group or individual down, because They Are Doing It Wrong.  Oftentimes as well, some pagans will use the term “fluffy bunny” to denigrate someone else’s path when it differs from theirs.  The fluffy bunny syndrome I find fascinating – not in the bunnies themselves, but in the way that people use this approach to make their path seem more valid.  Why on earth would anyone want to do such a thing?

A lot of this stems from the fact that assumptions are made about people. This is especially rife on the internet, where one can judge another without ever even meeting them in the flesh. These assumptions become rapid fire judgements, in which their path is better, their way of doing things holding a greater validity. This is expounded by the fact that they feel they are free assume and judge others in front of the watchful gaze of thousands.

Simply because one does not share the same opinion as you, doesn’t mean that theirs lacks validity.

I could equally assume that the people making such comments have deep-seated fears about their own path, or have had troubling experiences in the past that makes them lash out, that they lack self-esteem and this makes them feel better about themselves – but again, these are all assumptions.  We have no idea why people do the things they do. We cannot get inside people’s heads.  What we can do, however, is realise that everyone is on their own journey.

Each spiritual path, each way of doing things, is as unique as the person who is travelling along in this journey of life.  Instead of denigrating people who choose a different path, another way of doing things, differing from the norm or not following the traditional way of doing things, how about celebrating this as wonderful expressions of the soul? We celebrate art in museums in the same way, why can we not do so with spirituality? Both are expressions of the soul.

If someone wants to wear black from head to toe, cover themselves in tattoos and piercings and do ritual with the Sisters of Mercy playing in the background, then that’s brilliant – if it opens their soul to the experience and gives them what they need, the connection that is at the heart of all religions and spirituality, then let them do so without criticism and judgement. Equally, if someone wants to cover themselves in glitter and wear fairy wings, channelling white light energy into their hamster, Brutus, to clear his conjunctivitis alongside with the prescription drugs from the vet, then that is equally fabulous.  To each their own.  Remember The Rede – An it harm none, do what ye will.

In Paganism, there is no one right way of casting a circle. There is no one right way of meditation.  There is no one right way of soul retrieval.  There is no one right way of invoking the gods and goddesses.  There is no one right way of making an offering, of praying, or dancing.  This also applies to all religions, not just Paganism.

I have recently been tagged into the “category” of “New Agers” looking for the next new and best spiritual thing.  It can be frustrating at first, being looked down the nose at by some people. It is also completely bemusing.  Comments such as these are always made by people who don’t know me personally.  Assumptions and judgements abound.  I have seen and experienced things that would make some people wet their pants.  I also *heart* faeries and unicorns.  Does that make what I do any less valid than anyone else? Does it make my way better? I don’t think so.

My Way Of Doing Things Is Better Than Yours has led to all sorts of horrific things; war and strife, racism and sexism, just to name a few.  Condemning other paths because they do not adhere to what you think is the right way of doing things is, quite frankly, a waste of time.

And so I salute all those who sing their soulsongs freely, and let their true selves shine through, whatever their path, inspiring others.  And I would also say, do not let others tell you what is the “correct” way of doing things.  Do not let others denigrate your path – let them say what they will, then smile, shrug, and keep going.  We all must walk our own paths, and no one else can do that for us.  Sure, there are plenty of people who can guide us along, and become great teachers – but be wary of those who tell you that you should trudge silently along the path when you feel you should dance, skip, or cartwheel.

I look forward to seeing you along the journey!

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Soul Retrieval and the Essential Self

In many of the works that I am currently reading, and most recently understood in Nimue’s Druid mid-life crisis blog http://druidlife.wordpress.com/2013/07/02/midlife-crisis-druid-style/#comments, I am coming across the words and the ideas of “soul retrieval” and the “essential self” more and more.

Having recently undergone a “dark night of the soul” this autumn and winter, perhaps it is fitting that I should now be coming across this soul retrieval business.  I feel a longing, a kind of hiraeth (not of Wales, but of the past) for the person that I used to be.  Maybe it is being now in a mid-life awareness (I hate the word crisis, it’s not like it’s life threatening).

At the age of fifteen and sixteen, I knew that my life would be changing in so many ways.  College was just around the corner, and I would be leaving home, leaving behind my family, the home I grew up in and the mountains in which my soul had nestled, sheltered within their softly undulating, forest-covered beauty.  I would be leaving for the city, for places with public transport and concrete, full of people and movement, filled with the songs of humanity.

Knowing that this change was fast upon me, I spent every wakeful moment I could embedding in my memory the beauty of those times.  The way the setting sunlight hit the walls in my peach coloured bedroom, the smell of our house; the sounds and sights that were so familiar to me I actively opened myself too again in order to preserve them forever. Perhaps, without knowing it, preserving them again for when I had need.

I spend as much time as I could outside in my old haunts, the woods that rolled along the mountainsides, the valley where the horses spent the summer, along the river edge watching the undines.  Walking around the house, I would talk to the trees and the plants, thanking them for what they meant to me growing up surrounded by their embrace – the cedar hedge, the birch and oak trees, the rowan and the blue spruces, the yew beneath my window.

I also recalled and burned into my mind the memory every bit of the long-haired boy that I loved, not knowing what would be in store for us in the future.

It was a time when I knew who I was, and knowing that it was all about to change made it that much more important to remember.  I was a dreamer, a writer, a poet.  I had a strong set of ethics and ideals on which I would not compromise.  I was a thinker, a fey, one who watched from the edges.  It was a time when I let my essential self shine through, without barrier, without fear. Perhaps it was in naivety, perhaps it was in courage, but it was there for the world to see.  The ego, driven by past experiences, had not yet been coloured yet by the hardships to come, the highs and the lows.  It did not know better.

Lately I’ve felt a strong sense of wanting to return to her, to that girl in the mountains with her hopes and dreams, who allowed her essential self to guide her.  Funnily enough, some of those dreams have come true.  I am a writer, but I also feel the need to return to the dreamer.  To return to a time in life when I deliberately slowed everything down, in order to savour each and every moment.  To be utterly connected with everything.   It was a wise decision then, and I am so glad to my former self that I did it, for now I have such beautiful memories.  A lot of my friends seem to be on similar journeys as well right now.  Is it because we are all of an age?  Synchronicity? Or something else?

I’m shortly going on a two week vacation back home to Canada, and feel that this trip will be encompassing all those ideas, of returning, of remembering, of soul retrieval.  I left a part of her back there, while I was so focused on my intent.  I left a part of her there when I moved to the city, then across the country, then to another country altogether.  Maybe I need her back.

At any rate, I look forward to meeting her.

The essential self is innocent, and when it tastes its own innocence knows that it lives forever. – John Updike