Looking inwards

“Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.” -Henry David Thoreau

As I have begun my journey into the descent of both the self and the dark half of the year, thoughts and feelings have arisen which require acknowledgement. It has often been said that those thoughts that we are unaware of, control us. Quite.

Just as we are not our jobs, our familial roles or any other singular label, so too are we not our past, nor our future. We can only be our present.  All too often I have beat myself up about what I have done in the past. After a couple of months of looking inwards and discovering these thought patterns, I have realised that I have to let go of what I thought of myself in the past.

In the past I have been selfish. In the past I have done things I am not proud of. However, that does not mean that I am selfish now, or that I will do these things again, now or in the future.  What happened does not define me in the present moment so much as inform me of how I got here. I am only the person I am now, typing up this blog post trying to make sense of the self and how it works.

It is a season for letting go and so, every time I have a thought on how I have failed, I remind myself that this was something that happened in the past and, in truth, is not who I am now. It is extremely liberating, and enables me to be the best person I can be right now, as opposed to living in destructive and judgemental behaviour about what I have done.  I can certainly be critical of things, looking at them with detachment and learning from it, however no condemnation can be made because it no longer exists.  Often in Zen we hear of teachers asking students who bring up past faults and issues “Yes, but where is this now?”  Baffled, the student cannot answer, for it does not exist in the present moment. They are memories and lessons learned. They existed in the past. They inform us of the future.

Sometimes the best thing to do is to lose that sense of self in order to be able to look inwards critically.  Putting aside the ego and simply seeing thoughts for what they are is extremely difficult. The ego jostles for attention at any possible chance, with thoughts of “I am this” or comparisons to other people, opinions on the world at large and a deep-seated fear of annihilation. When we put all these aside we are simply left with our own personal truth.

Great Reviews for Zen Druidry!

Great reviews still coming in for Zen Druidry – you can still pick up a Kindle copy for only £1.23, or a paperback version from other sellers on Amazon for only £1.03! In North America, Kindle versions are only $1.97, and paperbacks start from $3.20 – a great deal…

Zen Druidry

zen druidry low res

Darkness and Mystery

milton paradise lostThe evenings draw in closer, the darkness growing as we make our way towards the winter solstice.  It is a time for deep thought, reflection and understanding – thinking and understanding so deeply you are hardly doing it at all.  In the darkness our minds are much less distracted by visual stimulation.  We can explore the darkness both within and without, as well as the great mystery of the unknown.

In Zen Buddhism, along the Eightfold Path we learn about Right Mind.  At this time of year, I apply it when journeying ever closer towards the rebirth of the light. It is in the darkness that the mind is truly explored. It is in the darkness that the world outside is truly confronted.  It is in the darkness where we find the greatest mystery of all.

Right Mind requires an understanding of the self, in order to see that the self is really not all that important.  First we must learn about our reactions to the world – how we relate to it, what is automatic and what is intentional.  By studying our selves and studying our navels, we look deep within to see where we might be able to work on living in full awareness of our actions in our daily lives.  If we have an understanding that we instantly react to the person on the social networking site who criticises us, we can then work on that so that there isn’t attachment to it.  We learn that we don’t even have to react – that it is within our power as to how we behave.  When our co-worker in the office won’t help us even when we ask for it, we learn not to instantly react and let it ruin our day. We simply get on with the job at hand, perhaps asking for help elsewhere.

We are not owed anything. Learning this lesson can be of great value in our own spiritual awakening.  People do not have to act as we would wish them to. Not everyone has to agree with us. People will have different opinions.  We don’t have to comment, criticise or even give it second thought if we do not wish to.  Our emotions, our passions should be the spark of inspiration. They should not be the raging inferno that takes over.

By looking deep within to see how our passions and emotions play through our daily lives, we come to an understanding of them. We cannot ever develop a relationship with anything, be it person, tree, mountain or deity without first understanding them to a certain degree.  We often do not understand ourselves, to our detriment.  Why do we behave the way we do? How can we live more intentionally?

Through daily meditation we can come to a greater awareness of our selves.  Once we have attained that awareness, it is best to let it go.

You may ask – why spend all that time learning about our selves, only to let it go?

If we are constantly looking inwards, we will neglect to look outwards.  Druidry and much of modern day Paganism are at the risk of becoming too self-involved, too inwardly focused.  Five words remind me of this on a daily basis. It’s not all about you.

We can become so self-absorbed in looking at our navels that the world passes us by.  There is so much out there that we need to become aware of, just as previously there was so much inside that we needed to be aware of.  Once we have achieved a level of competency in knowing ourselves, the best thing we could do is to lose that sense of self in order to understand the bigger picture.

This dropping of the ego, this letting go is not an annihilation of the self. It is not negation. It is immersion, integration – utterly being.  It shows us the boundaries between the worlds, between us and other humans, between us as the natural environment. It also shows us that these boundaries are simply illusion. We are all just energy.

We can then begin to explore the greatest mystery of all, within the nurturing darkness – that of not knowing.  After learning to understand our selves and the world, we lose understanding as well, realising that we really do not know very much at all.  In such a vast landscape, both inner and outer, how can we truly know anything at all?  Often in Zen this is referred to as Mu, or nothing.  In the not knowing we are open to everything, our minds not being closed off.  The great mystery of not knowing is where the true potential lies.  In not knowing, we are free.

Deep within the darkness, the journey continues.

Right Livelihood

autumn leavesDuring the time around the autumn equinox, in my particular path of blending Zen and Druidry I focus on the Buddhist aspects of Right Livelihood within a Druid context.  I do this throughout the year, blending the Buddhist Eightfold Path into the eight seasons of modern Paganism, and have found it spiritually inspiring and enlightening. (For further reading into Zen Druidry, please see my latest book, Zen Druidry, available on Amazon and through Moon Books).

Right Livelihood, in essence, means taking on a way of living and working that does not compromise the other principles within the eightfold path, or indeed any of the Dharma Principles. However, it is much more than ensuring that your occupation is not harmful to others – for me, this accords to everything I do, my entire life.  My livelihood is not just my office job, or my dance company, my writing or my work as a Druid priest. My livelihood is the way in which I live my life – my whole Druidry as a way of living, not just as a practice.

I have ensured that the traditional view of Right Livelihood is upheld in my life – all my jobs do not create harm in others, abuse others or the environment inasmuch as is humanly possible.  Yes, three out of my four jobs require that I drive a car, and that is a compromise that I have to make, which I try to offset in other areas of my life.  I used to work as a legal secretary, but was slowly having my soul destroyed by helping the rich dodge inheritance taxes.  It took the universe to give me a great kick up the bum to get out of that job and dive into something more meaningful for my own self – other similar legal jobs may work for some people, it just wasn’t in accordance with Right Livelihood for me personally.  I quit, went back to university and got a job straight away working for a music company and charity, got writing again, started a dance company and began in my priest work.  I felt much more at ease with myself, knowing that I was partaking in Right Livelihood (or Livelihoods!).

Some of us may feel trapped in jobs that we do not like, but we need the money to support our families, or ourselves.  However, that doesn’t mean that we cannot be on the lookout for something that would sit better within our hearts and souls, and it also doesn’t mean that we can’t offshoot this, say perhaps by doing some volunteer work, donating to charity, etc.  I personally don’t have much spare time, but the time that I do have I try to use wisely – though this year I haven’t succeeded as well as I may have, having run myself a little too ragged.  Organising charity events, performing wedding ceremonies, on top of my other jobs left too little time for me and my husband, and in that regard I failed at Right Livelihood, as there was harm and neglect on that front.  I have worked too hard, and now physically and emotionally see the repercussions. Now, in the autumn of the year, when I can see the results of what I have sown in the springtime of the year, I can also reflect on how to do better next year.

Right Livelihood means living right – it’s not just your job.  For me, within Druidry, it means establishing a life that has as little impact ecologically as is possible at the time for me and my family.  It means investing our savings in solar panels, recycling and composting everything, using cruelty and chemical-free toiletries, working towards creating peace and inspiring others.  It means walking the walk instead of just talking the talk.  It’s bloody hard to do. It means being aware of everything around you, of the impact that you have on the world, from the interaction I have with my co-workers to how many kilowatt hours our household has consumed in the last year.  It means sacrificing ignorance for knowledge, and the practical application of such.

Druidry teaches us about creating honourable relationships with the world around us, with all things if you are an animist like myself. Seeing the inherent value in all things means that no single thing can be taken for granted.  Incorporating Zen means bringing awareness of my own self and how my brain works, as well as working on an awareness of the world at large by living as mindfully as is possible.  Sometimes I am hugely successful at both – other times I fail spectacularly.  At any rate, it’s a learning curve.

Throughout the darkening days until Samhain, my focus on Right Livelihood is a constant reminder to live well.  Taking inspiration from nature, I learn not to take more than is necessary, or at least I am inspired not to – succeeding in this regard is damned hard in a fairly affluent Western society.  I breathe into the growing twilight, the longer nights and learn how to simply be in the world, leaving behind barriers of separation as much as I can, within myself and nature, humanity and the universe.  The rich scents of autumn tingle in my nose, the decaying leaf mould and woodsmoke, the chill winds and starry skies above inspiring me to continue. It is  Inspiring me to create a life that is worthwhile, and in doing so, following a path of Right Livelihood.

Zen Druidry at No. 10!

My little book, Zen Druidry is currently at No. 10 on Amazon’s Best Selling list for Pagan and Neo-Pagan books.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone for their support, and for the encouragement of the community – without you there would be no book! A big thank you to my publishers, Moon Books, and to my editor, Trevor Greenfield, who believed in the success of this book, even where I was a little unsure!

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

J.x

P.S. As of this afternoon, it has reached No.4!

Four Mantras for Good Relationship

Vietnemese Zen Buddhist monk, Thich Nhat Hanh recently spoke in a live webstream from Plum Village (the community he set up in France) about many things, one of which really struck a chord with me about relationships.  He has produced four mantras which help us to learn compassion for each other, and to better open up lines of communication, which is key to any relationship. The four mantras are:

  • Darling, I’m here for you.
  • Darling, I know you are there…and I’m so happy you are there.
  • Darling, I know you suffer…that is why I am here for you.
  • Darling, I suffer – I am trying my best to practice. Please help me.

The first mantra, “Darling, I’m here for you” demonstrates that the other is not alone in this world. Indeed, we are never alone – the idea of being alone is one that has hounded us ever since we made the mind/body disconnection.  The rationalists and the materialists have argued this one thoroughly, so I won’t go into it here, but suffice it to say that within most branches of paganism, the mind are body are thought of as connected.  That being said, through our bodies we are all connected to every other thing on this planet – we contain minerals in our blood that are found in stars, we breathe the air our ancestors breathed, we are all held down by gravity.  There can be no separation in the truest sense.  Our current lives lead us to believe that there is separation – could this simply be a marketing ploy, to divide and conquer?  Something to think about later… but I digress.  When we say “Darling, I’m here for you” we are putting the needs of another ahead of our own, as well as showing them that they are not alone.  In today’s society, that can be and is a great gift that we can give to others.

The second mantra, “Darling, I know you are there, and I am so happy you are there” shows us the joy that others give us, simply by sharing this journey is life.  It is a simple recognition of another soul, which again in today’s society can be so lacking. We lead such virtual and busy lives that speaking these words can reconnect us to the one that means so much to us.  We take so many things for granted, and we should never, ever take our loved ones for granted.  We must remind ourselves each and every day how wonderful it is to have these people in our lives. Allowing ourselves to feel the joy in having someone in our life is another gift, and when we express that joy, that joy spreads throughout the world.

The third mantra, “Darling, I know you suffer, that is why I am here for you” enables us to feel compassion for others in our lives, to show them that we see that they suffer.  So often people feel that they are suffering alone, and when we acknowledge the suffering of others, we immediately have more compassion for them, whether they are our loved ones or not. Everyone is fighting their own battles.  This changes not only our worldview, but changes the perception of those whom we are trying to connect to. Simply listening to someone, truly listening to them, is a great aspect of this mantra.  So often we are not listened to – we are often heard, but is anyone really listening? To give your full heart and attention when someone is trying to connect with you, or vice versa, is key to any relationship.

The fourth mantra, “Darling, I suffer – I am trying my best to practice. Please help me” is perhaps the hardest one to fulfil.  So often our egos get in the way that we simply cannot ask for help, let alone allow others to see our suffering.  How many times have you “suffered in silence”? Why do we do this?  Sometimes, when a loved one has upset us, and then they ask us “What is wrong?” our immediate response is “Nothing,” filled with anger, fear and tension.  They know that something is wrong, but we refuse to tell them in an attempt to punish them for hurting us.  If we allow that hurt to express itself, it will not linger and communication can open up in order to find a resolution.  If we simply answered the question, without judgement or anger, we might be able to see the other side.  We must admit to others that they have upset us, and we must do our best not to let our anger get control. We feel our anger, but we do not attach to it. By not attaching to it, we can talk about it with greater compassion and find greater healing.  We do our best to practice.  When we ask for help, we are putting aside our egos and allowing that other person in.  It’s not easy, but it does change everything. So often our anger is based on a misperception, and allowing the room for that perception to be corrected gives us greater scope for compassion in the world today.

These four mantras are changing the way that I relate to others, I feel in a truly positive and beneficial way for everyone.  For that, I am truly thankful!

Living with Right Speech

From Lammas, the first harvest, to the Spring Equinox, in my spirituality I focus on a specific aspect of the Buddhist Eightfold path – Right Speech.  For every one of the eight pagan festivals, I have corresponded a part of the Eightfold path, finding a great blending of the two traditions together (see my book, Zen Druidry, for more details http://www.moon-books.net/books/pagan-portals-zen-druidry).  To me, at this time of year when the Celtic peoples gathered together to celebrate the harvest, participate in games and competitions, wedding ceremonies and such, considering how to converse and behave appropriately was paramount in order for the tribe to thrive and meet other tribes without violence or bloodshed.  I see this paralleled in the Eastern concept of Right Speech.

So, what do we mean when we speak of Right Speech?  The concept of right speech involves four elements; abstaining from false speech, abstaining from slanderous speech, abstaining from harsh speech and abstaining from idle chatter.  For the Buddhist, this shows the sacredness of speech, and gives us a framework within which we can work towards more compassionate and thoughtful speech.

Here is a quote taken from The Secular Buddhist:

“The Buddha divides right speech into four components: abstaining from false speech, abstaining from slanderous speech, abstaining from harsh speech, and abstaining from idle chatter. Because the effects of speech are not as immediately evident as those of bodily action, its importance and potential is easily overlooked. But a little reflection will show that speech and its offshoot, the written word, can have enormous consequences for good or for harm. In fact, whereas for beings such as animals who live at the preverbal level physical action is of dominant concern, for humans immersed in verbal communication speech gains the ascendency. Speech can break lives, create enemies, and start wars, or it can give wisdom, heal divisions, and create peace. This has always been so, yet in the modern age the positive and negative potentials of speech have been vastly multiplied by the tremendous increase in the means, speed, and range of communications. The capacity for verbal expression, oral and written, has often been regarded as the distinguishing mark of the human species. From this we can appreciate the need to make this capacity the means to human excellence rather than, as too often has been the case, the sign of human degradation.” http://www.thesecularbuddhist.com/nep_04.php

Living in such a verbal society, we must take extra special care of our words, both verbal and written.  It is an increasingly difficult thing to do, in my opinion, when we are living “virtual lives” more and more with the internet.  We have an “online presence” as much as our real physical presence.  It is up to the individual how closely the two are related.

What we say, both physically in face to face encounters, as well as in a virtual community or forum may have varying degrees of impact, dependent upon who is actually listening.  The fact of the matter remains – whether it is virtual or physical, there is an impact.  For someone to be cruel to another person online could have devastating consequences (as we have seen recently with the suicide of two teenagers bullied on a social media forum).  A person may be attacked by an online community, and feel no repercussions whatsoever.  In a face to face situation, the reverse might happen.  One thing remains – we are personally responsible for our own behaviour, for we cannot control the behaviour of others. We can lead by example, but underlying fundamental control of others is beyond our grasp.

I have been verbally attacked on social media forums, bullied and trolled.  As yet, it still does not get any easier with time.  I stand by the view that the internet is as much a tool for sensitive souls as it is abused by being a playground for trolls.  I do not think that sensitive souls should have to “toughen up” in order to be online or to deal with face to face encounters. I think that people should be responsible and culpable for their actions, whether virtual or real, and take others thoughts and feelings into consideration.

As a recent example, a friend of mine told me that there is now a new term in a couple of UK LRP (LARP) communities/systems which is replacing a previous term.  He finds this fascinating, as he loves studying etymology.  It is indeed food for thought!  The previous term within the community was “special snowflake”, something that people used to deride another person on the basis that snowflake in question thought of themselves as being unique, and therefore life should go according to their own terms on this basis.  The new term that has cropped up to replace this,  is “bluebell”.

Now, some of you may know of my decision to abstain from a particular company due to the reason that I cannot condone the fact that each spring they hold battles in woodland that is carpeted with the most brilliant bluebells.  For an in depth look at this, please see my previous post “ Druidry and Choices” here: https://downtheforestpath.wordpress.com/2013/06/04/druidry-and-choices/.  It would appear that some players have decided to take it upon themselves to take this particular subject and twist it around to insinuate that I was a “special snowflake”.  There was some agreement by players on a social media board, before it exploded and abuse and trolling were hurled by some members.  All I asked what if others felt the same way as I did about protecting what I saw as a beautiful woodland – I did not, in fact, want to change the system to suit my needs.

And so, the new term “bluebell” has been born to denote a self-centred, self-indulgent ignorant person who wants to have their own way as opposed to someone who loves and cares for the environment.  This was, in all honesty, quite hurtful for me to hear, and I wondered at the people who would twist such a simple stance to suit their own agenda.

Then it got me thinking.

So, why on earth would someone want to do such a thing?  The obvious response is that it makes them feel better about themselves by putting someone or something down.  I cannot know for certain, however that this is the case.  Looking at popular culture, however, would seem to indicate that this may, indeed be the way that things are heading.  Why? Because more and more we see people criticising others using derogatory terms.  Instead of discussion, debate and honest criticism, we see through television and other media people judging other people with harsher and harsher verbal terminology.  Just watch any “reality” television show where they have judges – how many judges simply put a value on a performance without becoming personal?  There is a growing trend for celebrity television judges to make it personal, to get people on their side, to appear “cool” or “funny”.  This is also the case in everyday life.

In our ever-growing faceless society, the need to “save face” is, ironically, coming to the fore.  With an unseen audience of who knows how many, we feel we have to witty and clever. (Yes, I do see the irony in putting this in an online blog).  For some, the easiest way to do this is by putting another person down – in essence, to be “bigger and more clever”.  Well, as the British saying goes – it’s not big and it’s not clever.

Having spoken to people in science based professional fields, there still seems that there is the ability for disagreement on a subject to occur within the professional sphere without someone feeling the need to act “big and clever”.  Of course, there are always exceptions, but generally debate is still held within certain bounds of respect and integrity that may be lacking in popular culture debates and interactions.  They are able to criticise things without being derogatory, something which I think is falling by the wayside in mainstream society.  I’m still mulling this one over, and your thoughts would be appreciated!

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – you don’t need to blow out someone else’s candle for yours to burn all the brighter.  We can use words and speech, whether online or offline to interact with each other respectfully.  In Zen, it is agreed that we cannot control the behaviour of others, and so to ponder why people do the things they do is, in fact, a bit of a waste of time.  But I still do wonder why people do the things they do – I can’t help it, and I’m working on it as much as I can – I’m no Buddha.  I find it easy to have pity for people, however, pity requires making a judgement call on their life which may or may not be true – ie. I pity someone because they must have such a dull life they have to hurt other people to make themselves feel better.  This isn’t right, I know.  What I should be doing is having compassion for people – compassion, unlike pity, requires a total lack of judgement on the individual’s part.

Compassion is both the easiest thing and the damned hardest thing in the world.  To learn the ways of compassion, one must first release the notion of the self, the ego that one clings to, in order to see that we are all related, that we are all connected – that there are no “special snowflakes” or even “bluebells” 🙂   There is no one to hurt and be hurt by.  We are all Buddhas.  By taking advice from Buddha’s Eightfold Path, we can learn how to live more compassionately.  By focusing this Lammastide on Right Speech, I hope to change my behaviour so that I may benefit the world and not just my own agenda.  Like racism, sexism and a host of other human ills, hateful speech is learned behaviour.  The good thing about that is that it can be unlearned.

Like I said, I’m working on it.

Mutt Druidry

Growing up in Canada, with Dutch parents and being first generation Canadian, I’ve always felt a little bit of a mutt when it came to spirituality. I was confirmed at our church when I was in primary school, hating staying after class to do religious studies when I’d rather be running outside beneath the birch trees or biking down the road with my brother and sister.  I never felt a very strong connection to the Christian God or to Jesus himself, though as I’ve grown older I have developed a deep respect for Jesus and his teaching, much as I have for Buddha.  Christianity did not, for me, help to explain why nature did what it did – and so I looked further afield,  finding inspiration in Aesop’s fables, which became a dog-eared book read and re-read time and again. I also found deep meaning in Native American mythology, which spoke of the natural world around me that I was familiar with – the Great Lakes, the mountains and deciduous forest, the animals that roamed within it.

It saddens me that the Lakota, Dakota and Nakota nations felt they had to pass their Declaration of War back in 1993 against the theft of their spiritual beliefs.  (To see the full Declaration, please visit http://www.aics.org/war.html).  I fully understand, and yet have always felt a little bereft – the native spirituality helped me to make sense of the natural world in which I lived in, in the forests of Quebec.  The seasons were beautifully explained by ancient myths, as was the behaviour of animals and much, much more.  They spoke of creatures and countryside that I was familiar with.  For long I have worried that I would be seen to be “stealing” from a culture not my own.  It was so at odds with some other religious and spiritual beliefs, such as Buddhism, which as far as I am aware has never been concerned with cultural theft, even though it too has been oppressed in many places.  I understood the need for the Declaration, and yet I did not – it is a difficult thing to get my head around.

Eventually, when I came to Druidry, I realised that it was all about language – Druidry was the language that I could use to communicate with others  and to commune with nature.  It did not matter what religious tradition I followed; I could still use the same vocabulary to describe them in a way that made sense to me, and to others who followed this path.  Through Druidry, my awareness of both myself and other religious traditions expanded, and I learned a lot more about theology.  I came to know my ancestral gods of Anglo and Saxon culture.  I even tried taking them back to Canada with me to honour and commune with them there – but I just couldn’t “feel” them there.  It was much easier to honour the ravens and the bears, the Great Spirit – how much of that was out of habit, and how much of that dictated by the concept of place, I wonder?

Studying more and more, I realised that some ceremonies that would be considered Native American are shared throughout the world’s religious traditions.  When I make a smudge stick from mugwort growing in my garden, am I imitating Native American culture, or Scots Gaelic saining?  At Druid Camp, when I attend a sweat lodge, am I treading upon Native American ceremonies, or participating in millennia old traditions of our palaeolithic British ancestors?  When I call upon the elements in ritual, using words such as the Great Eagle, exactly which tradition am I honouring? In my craft name of Autumn Song, I have taken two things that I love most and created a name for myself. Am I thieving, have I started a war?

I have no desire to “go native” – I am not Native American.  But I honour their beliefs, as I honour those of my Christian family members. I honour my Buddhist friends, my Wiccan friends, my Druid friends.  I honour my atheist husband.  I can see and understand all points of view, and they are all a part of my life.  Some of the  Haudenosaunee myths and traditions made perfect sense to me as a child growing up in the Eastern Woodlands.  The Abrahamic God eluded me, but his son was a bit of a dude whom I grew to respect.  The Lord and Lady made themselves known to me as a young adult back in the early 90’s.  The Celtic gods and goddesses and the Northern gods and goddesses then followed.  I learned about Buddha and Zen, and found merit in all these teachings.  I see so many similarities between Druidry and eastern traditions, such as Zen – as you know, I’ve written a book about combining the two.  It’s nice to know I’m not the only one making these connections either – see OBOD’s page here for more information on Druidry and other paths http://www.druidry.org/druid-way/druidry-other-paths.

So where exactly do I fit in then?

I’ve previously coined my form of Druidry as Mutt Druidry, in an article written for The Druid Network.  Growing up surrounded by so many spiritual beliefs, living in so many parts of the world, hungry for knowledge and desiring deep connection with the natural world around me, I have learned and still continue to learn from all traditions.  Is there something fundamentally wrong with this, and if so, what is it?

Blessings on your journey. x

Zen Druidry Facebook Page

I have a new Facebook page dedicated to Zen Druidry, so if you’d like to keep up to date with news, views, articles, videos and more then please feel free to “Like”!  Awen blessings. x

https://www.facebook.com/zendruidry

Namaste

These past two months, and these last two weeks in particular, I have noticed an increase in disrespectful behaviour on several Facebook groups that I am a part of.  Some of these groups have absolutely nothing to do with each other, so there is no correlating theme that might suggest crossover between them. So what is causing people to behave so badly in a public forum?

Trolling and dishonourable behaviour has always plagued online discussions, due to the lack of face to face contact and the deterioration of basic social skills as a result of an increased virtual presence and virtual world.  One can very easily be rude to a faceless person, or a faceless mass – there is no real-time, real-life repercussions in most cases (barring those individuals who have been prosecuted for various internet related crimes and misdemeanours, such as bullying or trolling on gross levels, often involving minors).  It’s a sad state of affairs, and I fear for the future of social interaction in a world where people are addicted to their phones and other social media (yes, I spot the irony in an online blog, but bear with me) and are increasingly isolating themselves whilst under the illusion of always being connected.

People being rude for apparently no reason, people are trying to publicly shame another person or group, people for whom basic manners is all but lost, people with low self-esteem or any other number of issues that lead too poor behaviour.  But why this sudden increase lately?

I wonder whether it has something to do with the weather.  Here in Britain, in a climate that for the most part does not suffer the extremes that other countries deal with on a regular basis, when it is very hot or very cold there can be a rise in poor behaviour.  These past few weeks Britain has experienced a heat wave, which may have something to do with what is happening in these groups.  In Psychology Today, Amie Gordon states “in the summer, hotter weather was associated with being in a more negative mood. Heat is also associated with increased aggression. So when you find yourself feeling sad, grouchy, or wanting to punch someone in the middle of summer, try taking a weekend trip to somewhere cool.”  (For the full article, see http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/between-you-and-me/201301/sour-in-the-sun-3-unexpected-ways-weather-affects-your-mood).  Dr Joh Grohol wrote a in his online blog “Heat waves are related to more violent behavior and aggression,  may be associated with higher drug and alcohol abuse,  anxiety tends to decrease with a rise in temperatures,  depression and lowered mood tends to increase with a rise in temperatures, high levels of humidity — which often accompany a heat wave — lower concentration,  high humidity also increases sleepiness (probably related to poor sleep) and  high humidity also appears related to a lack of vigor and energy”  (http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2011/07/20/the-psychology-of-a-heat-wave).

Though we are not, and can never be, separate from external forces such as the weather, we are also highly equipped to deal with our emotions and behaviour through cultural and social standards, upbringing and self-discipline.  We are not slaves to these either, but can use them to help reinforce a positive world-view and to make this world a better place for all beings. It is entirely in our hands.

When we are engaging with the world, whether it is using an online presence or a physical face to face engagement, we have to remember that we are dealing with another soul.  This is a person who has thoughts and feelings, a history and a future, a journey in life that they are trying to complete perhaps as best they can.  It’s all too easy to forget this.  I am often reminded by the simple Hindu word/phrase, Namaste – my spirit honours your spirit.  (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Namaste). Keeping this in mind has helped me a great deal.

This is not to say that simple acceptance of bad behaviour should take place, that we cannot change the world, that you shouldn’t stand up for what you believe in – if you need to speak out on an issue, then you should, with honour and respect.  I have done so in the past, and indeed am currently doing so in this very blog.  Note that I have not named names, groups, or anything that would personally implicate another soul.  Instead, I am trying in my own little way to work through this issue, have my say and try to make the world a better place.

So, if you are ever tempted to belittle, degrade, shame another person, either in person or in an online forum, perhaps in the hopes of getting people to “your side” of the issue, remember that there are no sides, that there is no real need for this behaviour, no positive effect on the world at large.  Talk about it, talk it through with respect.  Love and compassion are key, and where two souls meet but cannot agree, then, with respect, bow and walk away.

Being kind is not difficult.

And if all else fails, find somewhere cool to think it through first. Namaste