We Are Our Deeds

We Are Our Deeds

As we approach the end of the calendar year, my thoughts turn inwards in reflection. It’s a time to take stock of the year that has just gone, and to plan for the coming year ahead. The thought however at the forefront of my mind this moment is the saying: we are our deeds.

Actions really do speak louder than words. How many New Year’s resolutions have fallen by the wayside, words that were not acted upon? What we do says a lot more than what we say. Just look at the politics of the UK right now. It’s all words, and actions that are either missing or which belie those very words. It’s seeking to be in the limelight, to be popular, to further one’s own personal agenda. It’s corruption, lies and squirming to get out of a self-created hole. It’s a real mess, to put it mildly.

Be the change that you want to see in the world. How many times have we heard that phrase? Be the change, it says. It’s up to you to put in the effort: it is your deeds, not your words that will shift the narrative. How we live and what we do will say more than words ever could. We have enough examples in politics and the media of those who words do not accord with their deeds, of lies and deceit, scandal and cover-ups. Let’s not be like them. Let’s live our lives better.

Our lives are totally integrated. With others in our household, with the ecosystem where we live, with the entire planet. As such, we must look towards our own personal integrity, to ensure that the integration is real. If we really want to integrate and be an integral part of the whole, we need to do things differently. We have to have our own personal integrity, first and foremost. Without that, what are we? Where are we?

Words are important, there is no doubt about that. Keeping to your word increases your own integrity, your might and your main: your personal power. Following up your words with actual deeds keeps them honourable. These actions build within us, until we find our lives changing, because we have changed. Intention means nothing without action.

We will all fail at something at various points in our lives, whether it is living up to our words or our own expectations However, it is when we begin again, when we follow up failure with action, when we pick ourselves up an try again that we find integrity. We can learn as much from our failures as from our successes. It’s in the action of doing, of trying, where we learn the lessons, not in the thinking of it. Thinking is an abstraction. If you want true change, our deeds must follow our thoughts and our words.

There are things that need to change in my life, and areas where I can do better, be better. At this time of year, I am clarifying those issues, honing them down to a single statement that I can remember to put into action when a situation calls for it. It’s not enough to have a vague idea of where I’m going or what I’m going to do in a certain situation. An action plan is called for, so that when it arises in any circumstance I am prepared with the tools necessary to take action, to allow my deeds to prove my words.

This year, I urge all those who are making New Year’s resolutions to do the same. Hone and refine what it is that you wish to change, to a single, simple sentence. Write it out, if you can. Pin it up where you can see it every day. Say it to yourself morning and night. Integrate the words into your very being so that when the situation calls for the change, you will remember your words, your oath and your resolve. And you will do the right thing. Your deeds will reflect you. Your deeds will say more than your words ever could.

In this time of winter, when the short days and long nights bear down upon us, think about integrity and integration. Think about words and deeds.

And do the thing.

Blessings of the winter solstice to you all, and happy new year.

Binge Drinking in the LARP Community – All in good fun?

Binge-drinking is a real problem in Live Action Role-Play culture (LARP).  It reasons are many and varied, but in this blog post I will try to understand why it is such an issue, and ask what we can do about it to ensure that LARP systems retain the integrity and inspiration that so many hard-working people have put the hours in to make it a great hobby.

In my fifteen years of LARPing, I have seen a lot of things.  I have seen brilliant behaviour and deplorable behaviour.  I have been utterly inspired by the creativity of the human race, and utterly despairing of their attitudes towards others.  Within any large public gathering, there is bound to be a wide variety of people – some lovely,  some not so much.  It is unavoidable.  There are certain rules about behaviour, and the social norms that must be adhered to at all times.  Illegal drugs are still illegal, for instance.  However, the issue of alcohol rears its ugly head each and every time. Alcohol seems to receive a special leniency at LARP events, I feel, much as it does on Friday and Saturday nights in any city.

I’m no saint.  I have gotten drunk at LARP events myself.  It’s really, really easy to get drunk.

Again, the reasons are legion, but I’d like to point out one that seems to me to be the most common.  We are gathered together, most of us strangers, from all over the country, and even from all over the world.  Different backgrounds mean for sometimes awkward first encounters. Not everyone is socially adept when meeting new people.  This can be at LARP events, or in bars, pubs and clubs on the High Street – the initial meeting of another soul can be frightening.  Many, many people think that alcohol can help alleviate the awkwardness of that social interaction – they believe that it makes them more open, more talkative, more genial than they would otherwise be. This is one of the biggest myths about alcohol – it doesn’t make you do anything you wouldn’t otherwise do.  It can impair your motor skills to the point of unconsciousness, but it can’t make you do something you don’t want to do. Kate Fox wrote a very interesting article for the BBC that really struck a chord with me. In it, she stated:

“In high doses, alcohol impairs our reaction times, muscle control, co-ordination, short-term memory, perceptual field, cognitive abilities and ability to speak clearly. But it does not cause us selectively to break specific social rules. It does not cause us to say, “Oi, what you lookin’ at?” and start punching each other. Nor does it cause us to say, “Hey babe, fancy a shag?” and start groping each other.” Viewpoint: Is the Alcohol Message All Wrong? BBC website

I can only speak for British LARP events, as I have not been to any in other countries. But I have noticed that the “typically” reserved British character can rely heavily on alcohol at these events in order to cope socially. It’s not unusual to see any character walking around the field with a bottle of booze in their hands – and we’re not talking a normal bottle of beer. We’re talking a wine bottle, or   bottle of mead that they are swigging from. I’ve been there. I’ve done it. I’ve seen it time and again.  It’s not acceptable to walk down the street in this manner is this country, but acceptable here at an event.  It’s a private event, so some of the social norms don’t apply.

This reliance on alcohol for these social situations is a complete fabrication, however. You don’t need it – you just think you do. It’s a psychological matter, and it’s a complete fabrication, as Ms Fox states.

“The British and other ambivalent drinking cultures believe that alcohol is a disinhibitor, and specifically that it makes people amorous or aggressive, so when in these experiments we are given what we think are alcoholic drinks – but are in fact non-alcoholic “placebos” – we shed our inhibitions.

We become more outspoken, more physically demonstrative, more flirtatious, and, given enough provocation, some (young males in particular) become aggressive. Quite specifically, those who most strongly believe that alcohol causes aggression are the most likely to become aggressive when they think that they have consumed alcohol.

Our beliefs about the effects of alcohol act as self-fulfilling prophecies – if you firmly believe and expect that booze will make you aggressive, then it will do exactly that. In fact, you will be able to get roaring drunk on a non-alcoholic placebo.”

On the Friday night of most LARP events is when the binge drinking it at its worst.  People know they don’t have to drive home the next day (most would still be over the limit) and so they drink recklessly.  It’s often hard to know just how much you have consumed, and just what you have consumed while sitting around a fire at night when three different bottles are being passed around.  In the last ten years I have been quite careful about what I drink at these events, and have felt stigmatised at times by refusing the bottle.  There is a lot of social pressure as well to “fit in”.

For first-timers I am especially afraid.  I have known many, and have kept an eye (and both eyes) out for them when they seem to have reached their limit and beyond.  All manner of things can happen, and I’ve heard horror stories from men and women at these events – such as attempted rape.  I have helped a stranger wandering lost around the tents, to his own tent when he was so blind drunk he was defying gravity – if he fell he would have missed the ground.  I also had to deal with the scary situation of him thinking that by helping him I wanted to have sex with him.  Thankfully his motor skills were so impaired that it was easy to dodge that bullet, but it doesn’t make it acceptable in any shape or form.  I have seen women throwing up in toilets, in all manner and stages of dress wandering about and falling over.  I do what I can to help people in that state, but there are so many that it becomes an epidemic, a vast tide that I can do nothing about, especially on a Friday night. Friday night is usually the first night of an event, the first time that you may see old friends since the year before or the previous event.  It is usually a time of celebration. It always, in my experience, ends in a drunken mess. Retiring to your tent early is the only option of avoiding it, which if you’ve paid for the event doesn’t seem right.

I think more awareness of the dangers that binge drinking contain should be made at these events. Some events are adult only – over 18s. Others allow families. I have seen all manner of drunkenness at both – from the eighteen year old who’s first time it is to roleplay (and first time to get drunk), to the children dodging the weaving drunken man stumbling from the tavern.   I think that tighter controls should be placed – at certain events there are very strict regulations regarding illegal drugs, sex offences and other crimes, but drunkenness is quite acceptable.  I just don’t understand it.

People can get very seriously hurt at these events through binge drinking.  It is everyone’s personal responsibility to watch how much they drink, but equally it is everyone’s responsibility to ensure that every person is treated with respect and has a good time. We are all paying customers, after all.  I pay for the event and I don’t want to feel pressured to drink, or fear for my safety.  I don’t want to have to care for people who are in such a state and yet I cannot refuse to help them – they are in need.  I fear for women who could easily become targets for sexual predators. I fear for the message we send to children at these events.  I fear for men who feel pressured to drink in order to keep up with their peers.

How can we raise this issue within the LARP community? How can we make it better for all involved?  How can we bring awareness of this problem to event organisers and to customers alike? How can we be taken seriously when it is only “all in good fun”?